A system of relationships between people in the process. Relationships between people: what are they like? Features of male and female energy in a couple

Communicating with people around us is one of the important skills that we encounter every day. Communication skills are acquired and formed in childhood, and then, depending on personal experience and the people around them, they are transformed, improved or degraded. Not everyone knows how to build relationships with people not only successfully, but also on a mutually beneficial basis. modern man. It is important to have not only analytical skills, but also to know what the rules and secrets of this process are.

But all this primarily depends on the person himself. For some it is easier, for others it is harder. The problem of relationships with people will always be acute in modern society, and this topic will never cease to be studied by all kinds of psychologists and sociologists - and all because it is a real treasure trove of new ideas and theories that allow us to learn more about society as a whole, and about each person specifically.

Let's look at the rules and secrets of successfully building relationships with people around you based on the recommendations of practicing psychologists.

Three main secrets of communication success

As psychologists say, there are three main secrets of communication and interpersonal success. These include aspects such as:

• the ability to listen and hear your interlocutor;
• the ability to adequately assess one’s own abilities and role in the contactee’s life;
• adequacy of psychological reactions in response to the information received.

If you are experiencing problems in contact with other people, then first of all you should pay attention to childhood. Sometimes even the smallest and most imperceptible events at first glance become the cause serious problems. It is very important from early childhood to learn to connect with others. common language, which is not always easy. But it is precisely because of this that we learn to be adults and learn to build relationships with other people. Without such a skill to live in modern world impossible: like it or not, every day you communicate with sellers, neighbors, parents and colleagues.

The ability to listen and adequately evaluate the information received is the most important communication skill. It is impossible to build successful relationships with other people if you do not give exactly the reaction that the interlocutor expects to see. For example, a friend, talking about her problems in relationships with men, does not always want to hear regret and pity. Most often, such a person is looking for moral support and information that will raise self-esteem.

You must always remain true to yourself, regardless of who fate brings you together in life and at work. Don't try to impress a person by pretending to be someone you really are not - even a small lie about such things will sooner or later be revealed. Don't try to be someone other than yourself - that's best way build relationships with other people. We always feel when a person is sincere and when he is showing off. And your actions should also show you as an individual, and not a beautiful copy of someone else's image. Do and act as you see fit. When discussing a particular issue, you should be sure of the things you are talking about.

It's also worth being genuinely interested in what you're talking about with the other person. This is the best way to meet and make friends with a large number people. Another important condition is respect for both yourself and your interlocutor. And don’t skimp on compliments and praise - people really like it when their merits are appreciated and their actions noted. This is not only a way to show your good manners, but also an opportunity to raise the self-esteem of another person, give him confidence or add enthusiasm in any endeavor.

The basis of relationships between people is trust and sincerity!

The foundation and basis of any relationship is trust, without it you will not get far in the modern world. Trust arises only if a person is confident in what exactly you are. You should not put up walls in relationships with people because of past sad experiences - undoubtedly, this is very, very difficult to do. But this useful skill will only add advantages to you as a person, a very strong person.

Trust and sincerity of your intentions are a solid foundation for strong and lasting relationships between people, regardless of social and gender differences!

The next principle is: “Say what you are going to do. And do it." You shouldn't make promises that you can't keep. You should not promise a person mountains of gold if you are not even confident in your abilities or have no idea how you will do it. Be a man of your word, and then those around you will undoubtedly be drawn to you. People will know that you can be trusted, that you are a holistic person who knows your capabilities well and skillfully accepts them, and does not pay attention to the envy and stupidity of others, he does not try to seem like someone else.

Smile as often as possible and under any circumstances. Just look at those around you. And what do you see there? Tired, irritated and impatient faces of people who are always in a hurry somewhere or arguing with someone. I don’t even want to approach them, let alone talk to them. A smiling person immediately attracts the attention of others and instinctively evokes a feeling of trust. A smile is the best accessory for a girl, as designers have not forgotten to tell us almost since the very beginning of fashion. She seems to be saying, “I like you. You make me happy. I'm glad to see you." Just try it and you will see - people, for the most part, respond to us in the same way.

Most successful people know how to build relationships between people at various social levels. This allows them to motivate others to succeed, support them in difficult times and influence employee behavior. It is worth using these rules and secrets to successfully build interpersonal communications.

When talking, you should avoid criticism, condemnation or pity, which often do not solve the problem at all, and sometimes even aggravate the problem. Without noticing it, you can offend a person or completely ruin a relationship. You should carefully monitor your speech and try to understand the person, and not judge without knowing or understanding the situation. Put yourself in their shoes: what would you do in a similar situation, what would you do and what would you do? And then, together with your interlocutor, try to find a way or at least develop several possible options for getting out of this or that situation.

And the last, most important rule is the ability to remain silent at the right moment. It is this quality that we value so much in others, and we want to be noticed and appreciated in us. The ability to remain silent at the right moment and listen without interrupting the interlocutor encourages people to have a more frank dialogue, or just a conversation in a kind and calm atmosphere.

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We humans crave friendship and positive relationships just as much as we crave food and water. The higher our social skills, the happier and more productive we become. This is important in any area: personal, professional and social. For example, if we have excellent relationships with colleagues at work, then we go to the office with great desire, and take on the project with renewed energy.

Besides, good relationship give us freedom: instead of spending time and energy overcoming problems associated with negative relationships and relationships, we can focus on opportunities.

How to develop relationships with others? Where to start and what rules to follow? The answers are below.

5 principles of good relationships

In combination with the ability to understand people, these principles will be enough to learn how to build strong relationships.

• Trust. This is the basis of all good relationships. When you trust a colleague, acquaintance, or client, you create a powerful connection that will help you work and communicate more effectively. If you trust the people you interact with, you can be open and honest in your thoughts and actions.
• Mutual respect. When you respect people, you value their contributions and ideas, and they value yours. By working together or simply communicating, you can find solutions based on collective understanding, wisdom and creativity.
• Attentiveness. This means taking responsibility for your words and actions. Those who are attentive, careful and watch what they say do not allow their negative emotions to affect the people around them.
• Ability to accept another point of view. Those who follow this principle not only accept different people and their opinions as equals, but also welcome them. This means that when your loved ones, friends or colleagues suggest something, you do not blindly reject, but always take the time to analyze their point of view and understand it at a deep level.
• Openness. We communicate with people all day long: whether we send emails, chat, or meet face to face. The better and more effectively we communicate with others, the richer the relationships will be. All good relationships depend on open, honest communication.

You may ask: “What if a person does not want to communicate with me on these principles? Do I really have to behave respectfully and openly with him, and at the same time he will snap and conflict with me? Yes, this is exactly what you will have to do, although not in all cases. There is no point in building a relationship with an outright boor. But good relationships with others always require patience and energy.

If a person doesn't trust you, it's okay. Trust him, be open and show respect. After some time, the ice will melt and you will find a friend. The guarantees are not 100%, but very high.

It is very easy to build a healthy relationship with someone who is committed to it. This will not require any effort - everything will be harmonious. Your skills will only grow if you have to establish good relationships with difficult people - this is true skill.

How to learn to build relationships

Here are some tips to help you develop more positive and healthy relationships in all areas of your life.

Respect a person's time

It's amazing how many people these days don't even think about this rule. Remember that every time you text, call or start a conversation with a person, they may be busy. Even if he seems to be idle, he can think about important issues.

You yourself don’t always want to devote your time to others. Ignore SMS and messages social networks, because you know: this will be followed by a full-fledged conversation, and maybe some kind of proposal.

Therefore, first of all, ask whether the interlocutor has time for a conversation. And even if he answers in the affirmative, watch his signals during the dialogue: you may notice that he nervously glances towards the exit or is tense. So ask this question again.

Remember the golden rule

It is unlikely that humanity will come up with something more valuable regarding building positive relationships than the old golden rule: “Treat people the way you want to be treated.”

Would you be surprised that a selfish, greedy and irritable person, if he has friends, they are of about the same moral level? Like attracts like.

Listen carefully

Listening deeply is the skill of boosting another person's self-esteem, a silent form of flattery that makes people feel supported and valued. Successful relationships are born precisely at the moment when you understand the other person on a deep level. The volume behind the words.

You must be genuinely interested in what the person has to say, feels or wants. Make it a rule to paraphrase your interlocutor's messages and return them to him for verification. This is the best form of feedback.

Take your time

In a world where time is of the essence, it is a precious gift to those with whom you deal.

Develop your communication skills

Communication happens when someone understands you, not just when you speak. One of the biggest dangers here is that you assume that the person has understood the message.

Anyone who feels misunderstood is easily stressed and nervous. To do this, you need to develop skills with which a person learns to correctly convey his thoughts using words, body language and emotions.

Develop empathy

Empathy and understanding create connections between people. This is a state of perceiving and relating to the feelings and needs of another person, without blaming or giving orders. also means "reading" another person's internal state and interpreting it in a way that offers support and develops mutual trust.

Develop assertiveness

This is the ability to set boundaries. You won't be able to give everyone the same amount of time, so learn how to refuse correctly without hurting the other person's feelings.

Ask questions

This is the best way to show concern and respect. Even if a person talks incessantly, with the right questions you can force him to change the topic or start talking about something that is interesting to both.

To avoid changing the topic from seeming rude, ask about something sweet and personal at the same time: the dog or the children.

Accept people as they are

We all want to change someone, make them smarter, more rational, more fun. This is a completely understandable desire, but if you want to help a person, show it by your example. Until then, accept him as he is.

Do you want your boyfriend or girlfriend to become smarter? Then don’t talk about it out loud, do something: take you to intellectual films, give books, put puzzles together. If you are not that close, then just work on yourself. Be a role model.

Constantly involve people

People want to be part of something bigger than themselves. Many people look for opportunities to meet others who share their interests, but shyness causes them to stand apart and become bored. They will be honored if you invite them to join.

Enjoy communication

All relationship advice is meaningless if you hate people or find them boring. It may take some effort at first, but after a while you will become genuinely interested in others.

This also works in the opposite direction: when you are interested in people, they become interested in you in return. This is the law. Who wouldn't want to spend time with someone who is interested in them?

Develop as a person

Do you want to build good and strong relationships? Become a better person, be interesting, support any topic.

• Write a novel.
• Write poetry.
• Draw.
• Learn foreign languages.

Don't change your principles

This means being completely honest. The truth is not always pleasant. Yes, there is no need to enter into conflicts, but in many cases it is better to say that you don’t like something. Are you trying to improve your relationship with a person, but you see that he treats others unfairly? Calmly tell him about it, and do not remain silent, so as not to anger him.

Surprisingly, such directness can make relationships stronger. People don't like sycophants, but they value honesty and decency, even if they themselves are not like that. They know one thing: if you are fair and reprimand them, it means you will treat them fairly in the future. Show courage and you will be rewarded.

We discussed how to build relationships with those who also want this. But what about difficult people? This can be so painful that it is easier to push such a person away than to try to establish contact. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. Let's see what ways there are to build relationships with not very pleasant people.

How to learn to communicate with difficult people

Not all people operate on the principle advocated by Stephen Covey: “Think in a win-win way.” This means not only getting what you want, but also helping your interlocutor achieve his goals.

Difficult people may well decide to step on the throat of their own desires in order to harm you. They act irrationally and lose their temper easily. How to communicate with them and build good relationships? There are several recommendations on this topic.

Stay calm

Self-control destroys conflict at its very beginning and helps relieve tension. Therefore, the first rule in dealing with a difficult person is to maintain calm; The less you react to attacks and criticism, the more you think with a cool head, and not with the help of unpredictable emotions.

Best advice: never be offended. If we are determined to do this, we will not react impulsively. The interlocutor may try to swing the pendulum, and if you do not indulge him, then his energy will not find a way out.

Change your thinking from reactive to proactive

A person who does not participate in conflicts and squabbles becomes successful. He concentrates his energy on solving the problem.

When you are offended by someone's words or actions, come up with several ways to look at the situation. For example, before you get annoyed by someone else's negative reaction, think about what made him say it. In most cases, unpleasant words are a projection of internal pain. The person may have nothing against you, but he needs somewhere to put the tension.

Understanding means reacting proactively. After all, the essence of communication is not to find enemies, but to achieve some goal.

Separate the person from the problem

There are two elements to every communication situation: the relationship you have with that person and the issue you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the problem, be gentle about the situation, and be honest about the issue. For example:

• “I want to talk about what's on your mind, but I can't do that when you're screaming. Let's either sit down and talk more calmly, or spend some time apart and come back to this issue later."
• “You are often late. Unfortunately, if this happens again, we will start the event without you.”

It is very important to be extremely gentle in your criticism, but at the same time honest. Once you lose your temper and start blaming, you can forget about it.

Let the person talk

Difficult people want attention. Sometimes you can turn around and walk away, but if you're dealing with a client, you can't do that.

You may have to listen for a very long time. But if it's worth it, do it. No objections or criticism in response. Be humble and don't escalate the situation. This is difficult because the interlocutor focuses not on solving the problem, but on what happened. Then resort to the first tip: stay calm. And remember that if you succeed, it will increase your skills in building relationships with people several times.

Use appropriate humor

In conflict, everything is always serious. At correct use humor disarms. It demonstrates that you have an iron calm and are in complete control of the situation. But, of course, it should not be mocking.

Become the leader in the dialogue

Whenever two people communicate, one usually leads the topic and the other follows. In healthy communication, two people will alternate between these roles.

People who are difficult to communicate like to completely seize the initiative, set a negative tone, and find out again and again who is to blame. You can interrupt this behavior simply by changing the subject. Use questions to redirect the conversation. Plus, you can always say “By the way...” and introduce a new topic.

Books

To learn how to build good relationships with people, you only need two things: patience and desire. They will appear if you become interested enough in the topic and start delving into it. The following books are excellent for this purpose.

• “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
• "Games People Play" Eric Berne.
• "Forms human relations» Eric Byrne.
• "Sign Language" by Alan Pease and Barbara Pease.
• "The Language of Conversation" by Alan Pease and Barbara Pease.
• "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" John Gray.
• “There is a leader in everyone. Tribes in the Age of Social Media by Seth Godin.
• “The Psychology of Influence” Robert Cialdini.
• “Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself” by Liz Burbo.

No one achieves success alone. We all depend on others to one degree or another. Therefore, the kind of relationship you build with them affects your quality of life.

Relationships with people is an area that is worth improving your abilities and skills in. With practice, you will learn to read people, intuitively understand what and how to tell them, they will begin to listen to you and ask for advice. And this is enormous power and influence.

We wish you good luck!

Interaction as an element of behavior

Social communities can exist as a result of interaction between the people who form them. Communication between people is an important part of their behavior, which refers to any noticeable reaction of the animal or human body to the influence of the environment.

All human behavior can be divided into verbal, that is, carried out through speech, language, and non-verbal – associated with the use of signs that do not constitute language, or with direct physical influence. In addition, behavior may be intrasocial, that is, aimed at other members of the social community (actually communication), groups, and external, aimed at natural objects.

Examples of different behaviors

Inside society Outside society

Verbal Conversation, reading Prayer to the forces of nature

printed text (to the gods) about sending down rain

Nonverbal Kiss, handshake Hunting, gathering

The more developed a society is, the more important verbal and intrasocial behavior is in its life, the less important is non-verbal and external behavior. Even in a society of primitive hunters and gatherers, all the basic procedures associated with obtaining and preparing food, with protecting the body and reproducing the species are always “furnished” with rituals, myths, that is, verbal forms of behavior that are organized by social groups and carried out within groups. Therefore, in the future, when speaking about behavior, we will mean, first of all, intrasocial behavior carried out in one form or another through language.

In science, interaction between people is considered in three aspects:

– transmission of information using signs, including language, its perception and rational understanding;

– the role of emotions in interaction;

– relationships between people regarding resources (competition and cooperation).

Very roughly, these three aspects can be called verbal, emotional And behavioral.

It must be specially emphasized that we are not talking about three different types of interaction. Indeed, emotions are usually caused by words and arise regarding the division of a particular resource. In turn, relationships regarding resources almost never happen without words and emotions. We are talking about three different approaches practiced in different branches of science. Therefore, a complete and adequate picture of interaction in each specific situation can only be provided by a combination of different approaches to analyze each specific situation.

Among animals, as well as among people, all three types of contacts are present - symbolic, emotional, and physical. The difference between interaction in the animal world and in the human world is that in communication between people, communication through signs plays a fundamentally different role. More precisely, with the help of one of the varieties of signs - with the help symbol systems, which is usually called language in the broadest sense of the word.

Language as the basis of society

The presence of oral and written speech, living and artificial languages ​​makes a person human. Language allowed human communities in the early stages of their development to quickly and effectively adapt to a changing external environment, which created advantages over the animal world in the process of evolution.

An important component of interaction is communication, or exchanging informative messages. Interaction, in addition to the exchange of information, includes, for example, physical impact and its consequences for the transmitting and receiving parties.

Communication – it is the process of transmitting information from sender to recipient. The sender, whose goal is to have a certain impact on the recipient with the help of signs, transmits a particular message using a certain code. In response to every “message,” which may be expressed through spoken language or any other sign system used in a given society, the recipient responds with a counter message. Note that the absence of any reaction is also a message.

The basis of any communication, including in animal communities, is exchange. signs.

A sign is a material object (sound, image, artifact), in a certain situation acting as a representative of some other object, property, relationship and used for acquiring, storing, processing and transmitting messages.

The simplest sign systems inform contact partners about the physiological state of the body, that is, the signs directly represent each of the participants in the contacts, and nothing more. When, for example, a dog marks a post, the remaining scent is a sign of the dog, and in certain situations informs other dogs about who was there, what age, gender, height, etc. he is. All animal species are capable of this kind of sign exchange. Obviously, they are preserved in humans. So, for example, the footprint of a shoe is a sign of a person walking through the snow.

Complex sign systems that arise in more developed animals allow, in the process of contacts, not only the transfer of information about one’s own physiological state, but also about any “third” objects, creatures that are important for the participants in the contact. For example, the cry of a bird can become a signal of danger or, conversely, a signal of prey. These are signs of a much higher level, for they lose direct connection with what they denote (after all, the cry no longer resembles either an enemy or prey). Moreover, as shown modern research, at least higher primates are capable of developing signs denoting new objects previously unknown to their predecessors. Creation this kind sign systems is a kind of limit, which, and even then very rarely, can be achieved in the animal world.

In the animal world, any sign can only designate some material object or situation directly related to the vital interests of these (interacting) individuals. Even the signs of the highest kind, which were discussed in the previous paragraph, ultimately turn out to be inextricably linked with a specific, single situation. Their perception can cause some genetically programmed action, but in the animal world sign never cannot become the bearer of a new behavior pattern – a scheme that would have independent value and would have a certain universal character. Only people are capable of this, because in their communications signs are for the first time freed from any connection to a specific, individual situation. It is precisely thanks to this feature of human sign systems that, with the help of the latter, it becomes possible cultural inheritance.

Signs that exist exclusively in human communications and realize cultural inheritance are called symbols.

Symbols are signs that, firstly, are not physically related to what they represent, and secondly, they depict not a single object, but certain universal properties and relationships, in particular patterns and ways of human behavior.

Thus, if the ability to exchange symbols already exists in animals, then the ability to exchange symbols appears only in humans. Moreover, the symbols he uses, in most cases, do not function separately from each other, but form a a complete system the laws of which set the rules for their formation. Such symbolic systems are called linguistic.

It has now been experimentally proven that higher primates can make the simplest tools. Moreover, they can “store” them and reuse them; They can also teach other members of their group using specific examples - show them how they do it.

But primates, unlike humans, cannot do two things:

- tell your relative how to make a digging stick or a stone ax if his own “experimental sample” was lost, and there is nothing suitable for demonstrating the technological methods of its manufacture at hand;

– explain (and understand) that the same technological technique that was used to extract a banana from a tree (lengthening a limb with a stick) can be used both when catching fish and when defending against enemies. To do this, it is necessary that a specific stick in intergroup communication be replaced by an abstract sign-symbol of a stick, regarding which in the evening around the fire we can discuss different ways of using it, that is, language is necessary.

Man is a physically weak creature, compared to many other animals, and was poorly adapted to survive in an aggressive environment. Therefore, even at the earliest stages of development, people tended to stay in groups, much like modern primates - chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas. Thus, already at the early stages of human development, a form of unification of people emerged, now called a “social group”. Such a group could form around an older man or around an older woman and usually included 5–8 people.

Man needed language in order to maintain the existence of his group:

– firstly, communicate, conveying important messages;

– secondly, distinguish between members of your group;

– thirdly, to distinguish between other similar groups living or wandering in the neighborhood.

Thus, language is originally associated with the formation of human groups, since its functions coincide with three fundamental properties human group(see paragraph 2.1).

For the last two purposes it was used not only spoken language, but also others symbolic systems: tattoos, jewelry, dress codes and so on. In everyday life, language is usually identified with verbal language, or speech. In fact, verbal language is the most important, but not the only means of communication, for there are many other language systems. For example, well known to everyone sign language, without which full-fledged human communication is fundamentally impossible. The example of non-speech languages ​​clearly shows that the boundary between symbols and other signs is quite thin. The languages ​​of gestures and smells used by people have a pronounced animal origin. Some symbols imitate the physical properties of the objects they represent (for example, words drum or chirping). But these examples only show that initially symbol systems arose from simpler sign systems available to animals, but in the process of development they moved away from them.

The advantages of language compared to other sign systems are most clearly manifested with the advent of writing. Its significance lies not only in the fact that writing makes it possible to transmit messages, the meaning of which can be perceived unambiguously, since the written word is much easier to assign precise content to than the spoken word. The most important thing is that it allows you to transfer accumulated experience from generation to generation, accumulate it, thereby creating the basis for the formation of culture (see Chapter 11). According to many modern researchers, oral speech is too ephemeral and unstable a medium to provide vital communication between generations. Therefore, according to one of the modern hypotheses, it is the emergence writing is the boundary marking the final separation of man from the animal kingdom. And indeed, if almost all other features of human life (the production of simple tools, a group way of life, the presence of communication through sounds) we observe, at least at a rudimentary level, already in the animal world, then there are no even close analogues of written speech in animal communities discovered. Another thing is that such speech, at least initially, could appear in a capacity that is very unusual for our ideas today: in the form of an idol painted and decorated with feathers or even in the form of a chip on a stone [ 13 ].

How did it come about? What allowed our distant ancestor to see in a stone or a piece of wood not just a material body, interesting only for its physical properties, but a carrier of his (or someone else’s) thoughts or feelings, allowed us to see in it a means appeals one person to another - this is still one of the most fundamental mysteries anthropogenesis (the origin of humans as a species).

So, unlike animals, humans are characterized by more than just a group lifestyle and, therefore, constant communication between people. First of all, it is characteristic of him symbolically mediated interaction(communication), and this interaction involves both living and past generations. It is this interaction that ultimately determines the forms and ways of life (that is, social, economic, family, political, religious and other relations) of a person.

The main purpose of language is to form and maintain connections between people. However, there has long been an aphorism that language is given to man to hide his thoughts. Science can help when people strive to accurately understand each other's thoughts, but fail to do so. This situation is precisely the subject of certain scientific studies. It can also arise between representatives of the same people, the same culture; however, misunderstandings most often arise when people speaking different languages ​​communicate. It would seem that this problem can be easily solved if you use dictionaries and the work of translators or study another language yourself. It turns out, however, that different languages ​​have different describe world. This is especially clearly seen in the example of color scheme designation. The spectrum of color sequence (from red to violet) is an objective phenomenon that does not depend on the culture to which the person who perceives colors and names them belongs. However, linguists have long noticed that different languages ​​use a different set of terms to refer to colors. The simplest and most accessible example is that in English, unlike Russian, there are no separate words to differentiate blue And blue colors, although both languages ​​belong to the same - Indo-European - family of languages. In the language of one of the Indian tribes (Zuni) there are no separate words to indicate yellow And orange flowers. This applies not only to flowers, but also to other phenomena. For example, in the language of another Indian tribal union (Hopi), one word refers to birds, and another word refers to all other flying creatures and objects (mosquitoes, astronauts, airplanes, butterflies, and so on) [ 14a, 58–60].

The set of words with which this or that range of phenomena is described in each language depends on how developed this area of ​​activity is among native speakers.

For example, in the Soviet Union, the scope of banking services to the population was very limited. Accordingly, in the Russian language there were not many terms denoting banking operations. Therefore, with the development of the banking network in Russia, they had to be borrowed from the English language.

Observing similar differences between languages, an American linguist Benjamin Whorf in the 20–30s of the 20th century he put forward the so-called linguistic relativity hypothesis, later named Sapir-Whorf hypothesis(E. Sapir - teacher of B. Whorf). The essence of this hypothesis is that language is not reflects the process of thinking, as is commonly believed, and forms his. From this hypothesis it follows that people who speak different languages, especially if these languages ​​are very different, in principle they cannot adequately understand each other, since they not only speak, but also think differently.

Many years of research have shown that this position is not entirely correct. Indeed, different languages ​​reflect the world differently. However, this world is common to all people, just as human consciousness is fundamentally the same among people, regardless of what language they speak.

Languages ​​differ in what relationships and phenomena with their help easier to describe. For example, the quality of snow for the average European is an interesting thing, but not very important. That is why it is designated by one word “snow”, and if it is necessary to reflect the state of a specific snow cover, then additional characteristics are used, for example: “snow is soft, like fluff” or “snow is hard, like groats”. If it is necessary to simultaneously characterize the temperature of the snow and the shade of its color, then the description of the specific state of the snow cover turns into a whole poem. For a European, this approach is quite acceptable. However, for a resident of the Arctic Ocean coast, a reindeer herder or hunter, such “poetics” can be costly. When choosing a nomadic route or meeting another family in the tundra, he must quickly, and most importantly, accurately and unambiguously describe to his interlocutor the state of the snow, taking into account its characteristics important for life. For example, if the crust is too hard, deer may not be able to reach the reindeer moss. If the snow is too loose, it makes it impossible to move on sleds. Therefore, each state of snow cover that is important for life has its own name. The number of such names in different languages ​​can reach 20–30.

Thus, both the European and the Eskimo can describe in their languages ​​a wide variety of snow conditions. However, the Eskimo will do this quickly, accurately, and his message will be perceived unambiguously by other Eskimos. If a European tries to do the same, it will be very long and ambiguous. This difference arises because for the Eskimo the condition of the snow plays a more important role in subsistence and daily practice than for the European.

Therefore, mutual understanding between representatives of different cultures is possible, although differences in language make it difficult. This applies not only to representatives different nations, but often to those who speak the same language. Even K. Marx noted that in class societies in each national culture there are actually two different cultures - the culture of the upper classes and the culture of the exploited classes. Close position on this issue M. Weber also occupied.

For modern society the situation is even more complicated. Within the framework of a single national culture (and, accordingly, language), many subcultures are emerging, each of which uses its own version of the language. Numerous studies in the field of psycholinguistics convincingly show that, nevertheless, the picture of the world that these slangs describe is close, so mutual understanding is in principle possible.

Emotional contacts

Verbal contacts, however, are not limited to relationships between people. Emotions play an important role in human interaction. Psychologists have found that emotions (both positive and negative) are stronger, the higher a person’s need to achieve a result and the greater the uncertainty of the situation in which he acts.

Manifestations of human feelings are very diverse - from the fleeting assessment of a passerby in a crowd to mass movements, such as social revolutions, that change the face of history. In sociology and social psychology, not all aspects of human feelings are considered. Social Sciences I am primarily interested in the influence of feelings on the formation of social groups and group behavior, that is, their most stable and widespread manifestations. Let us consider only the most well-known areas of studying the influence of emotions on human behavior.

At the very beginning of the 20th century, it was noticed that the effectiveness of production and creative teams is significantly influenced by the psychological climate that has developed in them. In particular, it matters how well the formal distribution of responsibilities in a team corresponds to the emotional attitude of its members towards each other. For example, does the boss enjoy the respect and favor of the team; is there a “shadow leader” in the team, whose position can affect the effectiveness of its activities, and so on (see 3.2; 3.6.3). Under the influence of research in this area, such a scientific direction as sociometry(founder – J. Moreno).

The study of emotional interaction between people has shown that emotions only at first glance seem to be a purely individual manifestation human psyche. In fact, they are the same group product, public life human, like language. Social psychologists have confirmed the truth that lies at the heart of the Russian proverb: “Even death is beautiful in the world.” Numerous studies have shown that a person's membership in a social group is his inalienable psychological need. The vast majority of both positive and negative emotions are associated with a person's participation in social groups and other communities. People cope better with stress if they feel like they belong to a social group. And vice versa, they become not only psychologically, but also physiologically less stable if habitual social connections are broken. Thus, the so-called “broken heart” effect is well known in science. It has been established with complete certainty that the mortality rate among widowed people is significantly higher than among those whose spouses are alive. This applies to all age and social groups, but this difference is especially noticeable at a young age (25–30 years).

In the state of California (USA) in the 70s. In the 20th century, a large-scale study was conducted on the impact of social support on human health. Social support was understood not so much as material assistance, but rather as psychological aspects: marital status, membership in clubs and church communities, positive relationships with friends and relatives. For 9 years, scientists observed 4,000 people. It turned out that the mortality rate among men who had a good emotional climate was 2.3 times lower than among “loners.” Among women, this difference was even greater – 2.8 times.

One manifestation of this influence is suggestion, or, as social psychologists put it, suggestion.

Our daily life is full of examples where mass behavior of people cannot be understood based on a logical analysis of the speech messages they perceive. This is especially evident in the example of advertising, both market and political. Let us recall only three plots actively used in recent years in advertising and taken by us from real television commercials.

Advertising convinces us to buy a detergent (soap, toothpaste, washing powder) that "kills 99.9% of all known bacteria". But we know from a school biology course that 99.5% bacteria, both surrounding a person and living inside the body, vital for his existence. If you believe the advertising, the advertised product is a terrible poison, which is not only deadly to use, but also deadly to pick up!

The car climbs through unprecedented tropical or arctic landscapes or outruns an airplane. But he will have to travel in the city! Why does he need a speed of 300 km/h or a 500 hp engine?

Research has shown that when perceiving advertising, a person subconsciously focuses not only on its rational content, which can be expressed through text, but also on its emotional background, or rather on what emotions it evokes in him. People tend to trust advertising if it features characters similar to the viewers themselves, or to those they would like to imitate, the so-called reference groups(see 2.4.5). Trust is mainly based on emotions and has no direct relationship to rational choice. Let us recall that emotions are strong when a person has a great need (for example, to protect his children from infection) and there is not enough information to make a rational choice. In this case, a person prefers to focus on people like himself, or those whom he would like to imitate. Detergent advertising is aimed at modern housewives who are frightened by the fact that “all diseases are from germs” that cause fatal diseases that arise “from dirt.” Advertising for the “super SUV” is aimed at young, ambitious men who have achieved some success and want to appear very successful, maybe even more successful than they actually are.

An advertisement becomes unsuccessful if it features characters with whom viewers find it difficult to identify or even dislike them. For example, if in the famous MMM advertisement of the mid-90s, instead of Lenya Golubkov, a respectable representative of the middle class or a successful co-operator had appeared, the attitude towards which was very tense at that time, it is unlikely that it would have enjoyed such success.

Factor emotional identification used by advertising masters and in organizing “network marketing”. In order to make income from the sale of their products sustainable, companies with well-known brands form a circle of “their” customers who are ready to purchase only the products of this company, regardless of the quality and price of the products of competing companies. Here is what one of the advertising researchers writes about the policy of the famous American company, the motorcycle manufacturer Harley-Davidson: “Harley-Davidson helps combine the joy of owning one of its heavy motorcycles with the sense of camaraderie that unites all Harley owners, a feeling that is as emotionally powerful as the enjoyment of the beautiful qualities of the motorcycle itself.”. Thus, emotions play an important role in all structures of society, in all social processes.

Competition and cooperation

Both verbal and emotional interaction between people (individuals) are often (although, as we saw in the example of the “broken heart effect,” not always!) determined by the desire to possess one or another material resource. In clan societies, these may be hunting grounds. In agrarian societies, the main resources are land and trade routes; in industrial and post-industrial societies - deposits of natural resources (oil, gas, rare earth metals, and so on). However, competition is not always carried out due to natural resources. In a modern complex society, such a resource can be money, the electorate, and so on. According to the definition of the Great Explanatory Dictionary of Sociology published by Collins: “Competition is an activity in which a person (group) competes with one or more other people (groups) to achieve a goal, especially when the results sought are scarce and not everyone can take advantage of them.” [7 , I, 319–320].

An alternative to competition is often considered cooperation(cooperation), which is defined as “joint activity to achieve the desired goal” [7 , I, 330]. The extreme form of manifestation of the desire for cooperation at the individual level is altruism – “interest in the welfare of others rather than one’s own” [7 , I, 24].

The relationship between competition and cooperation has always worried people. This ratio has become especially relevant in the context of the global development of market relations. Competition, as we know, is the basis of market culture. In this regard, some social philosophers began to argue that it is competitive relations that are an absolute good and have always prevailed in human communication. In their opinion, it was thanks to competition in general and market relations in particular that all the “benefits of civilization” were created.

Such a bold statement by market ideologists aroused a natural desire among scientists to check whether competition has really always prevailed in society and everything good was created only thanks to it and despite people’s desire for cooperation? Of course, the best information for identifying the role of competition and cooperation in the life of society can be provided by historical knowledge, that is, the study of real processes that took place in society. However, such data do not always allow us to draw strict scientifically based conclusions. The fact is that the same events are interpreted different people differently, depending on their ideological attitudes.

Therefore, researchers in the field of social psychology resort to such a method as experimental studies. In this case, scientists recruit groups of people, put them in various situations, and then record the results using rigorous techniques (observation protocols, videotaping, etc.). This approach is also not free from shortcomings, but it allows other researchers to repeat the experiment, and thereby confirm or refute the conclusions of their predecessors.

In our book we refer to some of these experiments. Thus, the English psychologist G. Tajfel (see 6.5) conducted research on schoolchildren vacationing in a summer camp. Initially, the students did not know each other. At the beginning of the shift, they were divided into two teams and played a war game (similar to the “Zarnitsa” of Soviet times). During the game, each team formed itself as a group, that is, it acquired identifiers (group name and icons), social roles were distributed, norms and values ​​were formed, and there was a group goal - to win the game. In other words, each group created its own subculture.

After the game was over, the teams were disbanded, and new squads were formed from the schoolchildren, which had no overlap with the previous groups. A few days after the end of the game, an individual competition was held, where victory went not to the group, but to a specific participant. The judges in this competition were the schoolchildren themselves. Naturally, judges are not always objective. Most of them had their own preferences, and in controversial (and often indisputable) cases, they “helped out” certain contestants. When researchers, using statistical methods, tried to find out by what criteria judges choose “favorites,” it turned out that the main one of these signs was not a fashionable “outfit,” attractive appearance, leadership abilities, artistic talents, and not even membership in the “new” squad. The judges gave preference to their comrades in the war game. It is important to note that the judging was anonymous, meaning the judges could not expect any reward for their bias. Noticing this, psychologists decided to check how personal interest would affect the decisions of judges. The guys were warned that if they discovered “favoritism” they would be punished (though not very severely). However, this threat had almost no effect on the behavior of the judges - they continued to “help” their own.

Two conclusions can be drawn from this:

1. Competition and cooperation are not just two poles of the same scale. These are two necessary and interacting processes. In particular, it is competition that promotes the cooperation of people to achieve goals;

2. A significant part of people are ready for cooperation and even altruism, regardless of the income they receive material benefit, and sometimes even in spite of it.

One of the important functions of competition, according to a number of researchers, is that it generates technical innovation. Indeed, European history the last 100–150 years shows that implementation innovation and improvement of ready-made equipment often occurs under the influence of competition between manufacturing firms. However, it is not always the case that emergence innovation is due to competition. Indeed, the car was not created as a result of competition between cab drivers, and the electric lighting of cities was not financed by companies that serviced gas and oil lamps. The patterns of innovation are much more complex; new scientific and technical (and not only) inventions arise when sufficient knowledge is accumulated. Often their authors do not even think about personal gain. Moreover, the history of innovation provides many examples that competition can not only accelerate, but also slow down the introduction of more advanced technologies. Thus, it is not uncommon for pharmaceutical companies that have been producing a drug for decades to try to prevent cheaper analogues from entering the market - new products produced by other companies. It is known that T.A. Edison, who patented electric lamps, did his best to slow down the introduction of N. Tesla’s much more advanced technologies.

Has great practical significance study of cooperation in decision making. The most obvious example, from which, in fact, the study of decision making began, is the jury. It is important what factors influence the court’s decision, since this often determines human life. Research has shown that jurors (all other things being equal) tend to acquit in most cases, regardless of the actual nature of the crime. This result has been taken into account in US courts; in particular, questions to the jury began to be asked in such a form as to avoid jury bias.

One of the most important problems of modern business and politics is the question of who makes the best decisions: an individual or a group (cooperation model). It has been experimentally proven that in a number of cases an individual can solve a problem faster and better than a group. The problem, however, is that it is not known in advance which of the stakeholders will offer the best solution and what that solution will be.

An individual has an advantage over a group when it is necessary to make a decision very quickly and in conditions of very great uncertainty of the situation (for example, in battle or during an accident). On the contrary, a group decision usually turns out to be more correct and far-sighted if it is necessary to determine a long-term strategy that takes into account many factors. Obviously, if group members compete with each other over access to some value, instead of working to develop an effective group solution, the result of their work will most likely be negative. This is precisely the reason for the ineffectiveness of many despotic regimes. The comrades of the First Person (be it the Emperor or the Fuhrer) are more concerned about competition for the attention of their boss than about the correctness of the decision he made. Therefore, they offer solutions that may please the leader rather than those that will lead to a positive result of his policy.

The examples given here, as well as many others, show that not only the desire for cooperation, but also altruism is as characteristic of humans as the readiness for competitive relations. Not only in theory and ideology, but also, most importantly, in practical activity, absolute priority cannot be given to any of the poles of h

Society does not consist of individual individuals, but reveals the sum of those connections and relationships in which these individuals are relative to each other. The basis of these connections and relationships is formed by the actions of people and their mutual influence, called interaction. Interaction- this is the process of direct or indirect influence of objects (subjects) on each other, giving rise to their mutual conditionality and connections1.

In interaction, a person’s attitude towards another person as a subject who has his own world is realized. In social philosophy and psychology, as well as management theory, interaction is understood not only as the influence of people on each other, but also as the direct organization of their joint actions, which allows the group to implement common activities for its members. The interaction of a person with a person in society is also the interaction of their inner worlds: the exchange of opinions, ideas, images, the influence on goals and needs, the impact on the assessments of another individual, his emotional state.

Interaction is the systematic and ongoing performance of actions aimed at eliciting a response from other people. Living together and the activities of people both in society and in organizations, in contrast to the individual, have more stringent restrictions on any manifestations of activity or passivity. In the process of real interaction, the employee’s adequate ideas about himself and other people are also formed. The interaction of people is a leading factor in the regulation of their self-esteem and behavior in society.

In an organization, there are two types of interaction - interpersonal and intergroup, which are carried out in the system of interpersonal relations and communication.

Interpersonal interaction in an organization- these are long-term or short-term, verbal or non-verbal contacts between employees within groups, departments, teams that cause mutual changes in their behavior, activities, relationships and attitudes. The more contacts occur between their participants and the more time they spend together, the more efficient is the work of all departments and the organization as a whole.

Intergroup interaction- the process of direct or indirect action of many subjects (objects) on each other, generating their interdependence and the unique nature of the relationship. Usually it is present between entire groups of an organization (as well as their parts) and is an integrating factor.

Interpersonal relationships (relationships)- these are relationships between people that are subjectively experienced and in which the system of their interpersonal attitudes, orientations, expectations, hopes, which are determined by the content, is manifested joint activities 1. In an organization, they arise and develop in the process of joint activity and communication.

Communication- a complex multifaceted process of establishing and developing contacts and connections between people, generated by the needs of joint activities and includes the exchange of information and the formation of a unified interaction strategy, mutual synergy2. Communication in an organization is included primarily in the practical interaction of people (joint work, learning) and ensures planning, implementation and control of their activities. The immediate basis for communication between people in an organization is joint activity that unites them to achieve a specific goal. A broader understanding of the factors that motivate people to communicate is outlined in Western science. Among them, first of all, the following can be mentioned:

Exchange theory (J. Homans): people interact with each other based on their experience, weighing possible rewards and costs;

Symbolic interactionism (J. Mead, G. Bloomer): the behavior of people in relation to each other and objects of the surrounding world is established by the meanings that they provide to them;

Impression management (E. Hoffman): situations of social interaction similar to dramatic performances in which actors try to create and maintain pleasant impressions;

Psychological theory (S. Freud): the interaction of people is strongly influenced by ideas learned in early childhood and conflicts.

In the process of personnel selection, formation of production groups and teams, the manager should take into account a number of psychological characteristics behavioral reactions of individuals from the initial stage of development of their interaction.

Yes, on initial stage(low level) interaction is the simplest primary contacts of people, when between them there is a certain primary and very simplified mutual or one-sided “physical” influence on each other for the purpose of exchanging information and communication, which, as a result of specific reasons, may not achieve its goal, and therefore not to acquire comprehensive development.

The main thing in the success of initial contacts is the acceptance or non-acceptance of each other by the interaction partners. Moreover, they do not represent a simple “sum” of individuals, but are some completely new and specific formation of connections and relationships that are regulated by real or imaginary difference - similarity, similarity - contrast of people involved in joint activities (practical or mental). Differences between individuals are one of the main conditions for the development of their interactions (communication, relationships, compatibility, wear), as well as themselves as individuals.

Any contact begins with concrete sensory perception appearance, characteristics of the activities and behavior of other people. At this moment, as a rule, the emotional and behavioral reactions of individuals to each other dominate.

The relationship of acceptance - rejection is found in facial expressions, gestures, posture, gaze, intonation, an attempt to end or continue communication. They indicate whether people like each other or not. If not, then mutual or unilateral reactions of rejection occur (gliding gaze, withdrawing the hand when shaking, avoiding the head, body, defensive gestures, “sour face”, fussiness, running away, etc.). Conversely, people turn to those who smile, look directly and openly, turn their faces, and respond with a cheerful and cheerful intonation, as those who are trustworthy and with whom they can develop further cooperation based on joint efforts.

Of course, the acceptance or non-acceptance of each other by interaction partners also has deeper roots. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between scientifically based and proven levels of homogeneity - different rarities (degrees of similarity - differences) of interaction participants.

The first (or lower) level of homogeneity is the ratio of individual (natural) and personal parameters (temperament, intelligence, character, motivation, interests, value orientations) of people. Of particular importance in interpersonal interaction are the age and gender differences of partners.

The second (upper) level of homogeneity - heterogeneity (degree of similarity - contrast of participants in interpersonal interaction) - represents the ratio in the group (similarity - difference) of opinions, attitudes (including likes - antipathies) to oneself, partners or other people and to the objective world (including in joint activities). The second level is divided into sublevels: primary (or ascending) and secondary (or effective). The primary sublevel is an ascending one, a correlation of opinions given in interpersonal interaction (about the world of objects and their own kind). The second sublevel is the correlation (similarity - difference) of opinions and relationships, as a result of interpersonal interaction, exchange of thoughts and feelings between participants in joint activities1. The congruence effect also plays a major role in interaction at its initial stage.

Congruence(Latin Congruens, congruentis - proportionate, corresponding, that which coincides) - confirmation of mutual role expectations, the only resonant rhythm, consonance of the experiences of the contact participants.

Congruence provides for a minimum amount of roughness in the key points of the behavior lines of the contact participants, which results in the release of tension, the emergence of trust and sympathy on a subconscious level.

Congruence is enhanced by the feeling of complicity, interest, and search for mutual activity evoked in the partner based on his needs and life experience. It may appear from the first minutes of contact between previously unfamiliar partners or not arise at all. But the presence of congruence indicates an increased likelihood that the interaction will continue. Therefore, in the process of interaction, it is necessary to try to achieve congruence from the first minutes of contact.

In shaping the organizational behavior of employees of an organization based on the development of interpersonal interaction, it is necessary to take into account a number of factors that contribute to the achievement of congruence. The main ones include:

1) the experience of self-reliance, which occurs in the following cases:

Connectedness of the goals of the subjects of interaction with each other;

The presence of a basis for interpersonal rapprochement;

The subjects belong to the same social group;

2) empathy (gr. Empatheia - empathy), which is more easily realized:

For establishing emotional contact;

Similarities in behavioral and emotional reactions of partners;

Having the same attitude towards a certain subject;

In case of drawing attention to the feelings of partners (for example, they are simply described)

8) identification, which is strengthened:

When living various behavioral processes of the interacting parties;

When a person sees his own character traits in another;

When partners seem to exchange opinions and conduct discussions from each other’s positions;

Subject to commonality of opinions, interests, social roles and positions.

As a result of congruence and effective initial contacts, feedback is established between people - a process of mutually directed response actions that helps maintain subsequent interactions and during which there is also an intentional or unintentional message to another person about how his behavior and actions (or their consequences) are perceived or experienced.

There are three main functions of feedback. They are usually:

Regulator of human behavior and actions;

Regulator of interpersonal relations;

A source of self-knowledge.

Feedback happens different types and each of its variants corresponds to one or another specificity of interaction between people and the emergence of stable relationships between them.

Feedback can be:

Verbal (transmitted in the form of a speech message);

Non-verbal, that is, something that is carried out using facial expressions, posture, voice intonation, etc.;

Such that it is embodied in the form of action, focused on identifying, showing another person understanding, approval and turns out to be in general activity.

Feedback can be immediate and delayed in time, highly emotionally charged and transmitted by a person to another person as a certain experience, or with minimal manifestation of emotions and corresponding behavioral reactions.

IN different options joint activities, their own types of feedback are appropriate. Therefore, it should be noted that the inability to use feedback significantly impedes the interaction of people in the organization and reduces the effectiveness of management.

The psychological community of participants in organizational interaction and situation strengthens their contacts, helps develop relationships between them, and contributes to the transformation of their personal relationships and actions into common ones. Attitudes, needs, interests, relationships in general, being motives, determine the promising directions of interactions between partners, while their tactics are also regulated by mutual understanding of the characteristics of people, their images and ideas about each other, about themselves, and the task of joint activity.

At the same time, the regulation of interaction and relationships between people is carried out not by one, but by a whole group of images. In addition to the images-images of partners about each other, the system of psychological regulators of joint activity includes images-images about oneself - the so-called self-concept, the totality of all the individual’s ideas about himself, which leads to the conviction of his behavior, with the help of which the person determines who he is There is. This also includes the partners’ idea of ​​the impressions they make on each other, the ideal image of the social role played by the partners, and views on the possible results of joint activities. And although these images-representations are not always clearly recognized by people, the psychological content, concentrated in attitudes, motives, needs, interests, relationships, is revealed through volitional actions in various forms of behavior aimed at the partner.

At the initial stage of the process of interaction between people in a group (organization), active cooperation gradually develops and increasingly becomes embodied in an effective solution to the problem of combining the mutual efforts of workers. This stage is called productive joint activity.

There are three forms, or models, of organizing joint activities:

Each participant performs his part of the overall work independently of the other;

The overall task is performed sequentially by each participant;

There is a simultaneous interaction of each participant with all the others (typical in conditions of a team organization of work and the development of horizontal connections), the actual existence of which depends on the conditions of the activity, its goals and content.

In an organization or its subdivisions, the desires of people can still lead to clashes in the process of coordinating positions, as a result of which people enter into relationships of “agreement - disagreement” one after another. If they agree, the partners are involved in joint activities. In this case, roles and functions are distributed between the participants in the interaction. These relationships cause a special direction of volitional efforts in the subjects of interaction, associated either with a concession or with the conquest of certain positions. Therefore, partners are required to demonstrate mutual tolerance, composure, perseverance, psychological mobility and other strong-willed personality traits, based on intelligence and high level his consciousness and self-awareness. At the same time, the interaction of people is actively accompanied and mediated by the manifestation of complex socio-psychological phenomena, which are called compatibility and incompatibility or wear and tear - lack of use. Interpersonal relationships in a group (organization) and a certain degree of compatibility (physiological and psychological) of its members give rise to another socio-psychological phenomenon, which is commonly called “psychological climate.”

There are several types of human compatibility. Psychophysiological compatibility is based on the interaction of the characteristics of temperament and the needs of individuals. Psychological compatibility involves the interaction of characters, intellects, and motives of behavior. Socio-psychological compatibility is a prerequisite for the coordination of social roles, interests, and value orientations of the participants. Finally, socio-ideological compatibility is based on the commonality of ideological values, the similarity of social attitudes in relation to various facts of reality related to the implementation of ethnic, class and religious interests. There are no clear boundaries between these types of compatibility, while extreme levels of compatibility, for example, physiological and socio-psychological, socio-ideological, have obvious differences1.

In joint activities, control on the part of the participants themselves is noticeably activated (self-monitoring, self-checking, mutual monitoring, mutual checking), which affects the executive part of the activity, including the speed and accuracy of individual and joint actions.

However, it should be remembered that the driver of interaction and joint activity is, first of all, the motivation of its participants. There are several types of social motives for interaction (that is, motives due to which a person interacts with other people):

Maximization of total (joint) gain (motive of cooperation)

Maximizing one's own gain (individualism)

Maximizing relative gain (competition)

Maximizing another's gain (altruism)

Minimizing the other's gain (aggression);

Minimizing differences in winnings (equality) 2. Mutual control exercised by participants in a joint

activity, can lead to a revision of individual motives for activity if there are significant differences in their focus and level. As a result, individual motives begin to be adjusted and coordinated.

During this process, thoughts, feelings, and relationships of partners in joint activities are constantly coordinated in various forms of influence of people on each other. Some of them encourage the partner to act (order, request, proposal), others authorize the partners’ actions (agreement or refusal), and others call for a discussion (question, reflection), which can take place in different forms. However, the choice of influence is more often determined by the functional-role connections of the partners in joint work. For example, the control function of a leader (manager) encourages him to more often use orders, requests and sanctioning responses, while the educational function of the same leader often requires the use of discussion forms of interaction. In this way, the process of mutual influence of interaction partners is realized. With its help, people “process” each other, trying to change and transform mental states, attitudes and, ultimately, the behavior and psychological qualities of participants in joint activities.

Friendship and good relationships are what many people dream about. Warm connections with other people bring moments of happiness and can help in difficult times. But how often does it happen that we, unfortunately, cannot find a common language with people, or even communicate normally! And there are also people, after talking with whom, we literally shake with anger, hatred, indignation. What is the psychology of relationships between people? How to build good relationships in a group, in a team, with friends of your husband/wife, and even with your own acquaintances and friends? How to learn to easily make new friends and not lose old ones? Find answers to these and other questions in the text below.

How strange, at first glance, are the relationships between people that are formed: one person really impresses us and becomes a friend for life, another we don’t like at all, we don’t understand and condemn his actions, and the third one generally seems like an abnormal person to communicate with in principle. is impossible, and enmity may even form between us.

Why is this happening? What is the psychology of human relationships based on? It seems that this question requires thousands of answers, because all people are different, which means that as many people there are, there are as many possibilities for building relationships between them. But this is not entirely true. If you master system-vector thinking, it turns out that building personal relationships with other people is always predictable and fits into a constant, unchangeable system. Knowing this system, you can easily, literally at first glance, understand what to expect from a person, with whom there will be positive communication, and what to do if you meet an absolutely unpleasant person.

Psychology of good relationships

Every person is a bundle of desires. We all constantly want what will bring us joy, pleasure, happiness, big or small. The simplest animals have simple desires - they want to eat, drink, procreate, and that’s it. Man is more complex; we have many desires, not just one or two. And only the whole complex of a person’s desires determines him, that is, gives him some external manifestations: he chooses a job to his liking, gets involved in certain activities, and even listens to the radio wave and watches a program on TV only in accordance with his desires. Despite the fact that it seems that people have thousands and even millions of desires, this is not so. There are not so many of them and all of them have already been studied.

To understand well the psychology of human relationships, it is enough to study only 8 vectors - all desires are combined into an exact system.

Friendship and generally good relationships develop only between those people who are fully or partially connected by the same desires. We are also drawn to those people whose desires are complementary to ours or greater than our own. But those people who have contrary desires are unpleasant to us and we often simply do not hang out with them. And if you have to meet, for example, work in the same team, study in the same group, ride on the same bus, live in the same apartment, then this leads to tension and hostility. And, as a result, to constant conflicts, resentments, irritation, and therefore stress, psychological tension and psychosomatic illnesses.

For example, there are people for whom it is very important to have a quiet environment and they prefer silent society - these are people with a sound vector. And there are people who are the opposite of them, with an oral vector, who constantly talk, often very loudly, on topics that attract the attention of others. Such people are unlikely to be friends and are often in the same company.

The psychology of a good relationship is to understand yourself and your desires. And also to understand others not through yourself, through your values, but directly - as they are. This means correctly assessing the situation and, at one glance, determining what kind of relationship you might have with this particular person.

Psychology of emotional relationships

The team, relationships with people are a very important aspect of any person’s life. And literally from the cradle, when the child goes to kindergarten, and until old age, when old women communicate on a bench near the house, not having the strength and opportunity to go further. It is among people that we ourselves are worth something, our lives are filled with joy and happiness. Therefore, loneliness is in no way an alternative to a real relationship.

If you can't build a good relationship, don't despair. If friends sometimes disappoint us, we quarrel with acquaintances, do not understand colleagues, etc., this is just a hint - it is necessary to understand the psychology of relationships between people.

Psychology of relationships between children and adolescents

Quarrels and discord often arise between adults and children or adolescents due to a simple misunderstanding of each other. And no matter how difficult it is to accept, very often it is the adults, and not the younger generation, who are to blame for such a sad state of affairs. We judge them by ourselves and make a mistake, because in childhood and adolescence the psychology of relationships with peers develops differently.

If you are interested in the topic of psychology of relationships between children, read these articles:

If you are interested in the topic of the psychology of teenage relationships, read these articles:

Psychology of friendships and love relationships

To build good relationships, to make friendship a pleasure, to understand the psychology of a person’s relationships, you must first understand yourself. Yes, yes, precisely in yourself, and not in others. This is especially important if you constantly meet negative characters along the way: brawlers, gossips, nervous people or sadists... They all indicate that something is wrong.

Equal always attracts equal. Developed, realized people, as a rule, are surrounded by the same characters. But if we ourselves have some anchors, problems, then we attract the same people. Thus, skin-visual people prefer to stick together when they are afraid, for example, going to horror movies or walking through the forest at night when they are scared. Such friendship does not bring real pleasure, and we stick to our comrades, rather out of nervous tension. Moreover, such communication increasingly leads into fears, phobias, and often even victim behavior, from which it is very difficult to escape. So, if a person with grievances finds another person with the same grievances, then they can sit at home and be offended until the end of their days, and the grievances will only get worse.

True friendship, good relationships with people are the greatest pleasure, and it does not arise because of problems, but quite the opposite. For some, such good relationships develop naturally. But if they are not there, you shouldn’t be upset - you can learn this.

To build relationships with people, you need to start with understanding yourself

It is very important to change yourself, understand yourself, develop, then life will seem to attract good people. It would also be good to determine at first glance who suits us in terms of worldview and life attitudes.

If you want to learn more about the psychology of relationships between people, read articles in the library. In addition, you can listen to several free, exciting lectures on psychology that take place online ( full course lectures - paid). To register, click on this banner:

Be careful - the psychology of virtual relationships

The Internet is an amazing, new space in which you can not only find information, but also build relationships. Today there are already a lot of couples who met and spent many hours together virtually. Here we find friends, communicate on forums and social networks, exchange news and jokes. It is on the Internet that we build qualitatively new relationships, forgetting about some of the features of the psychology of virtual relationships.

There is something in relationships that we do not attach importance to, but which plays a very important role. These are smells. It is by smell that we intuitively navigate people. We say that we liked a person “at first sight,” although in fact it happened precisely “at first sniff.” Taking a closer look, we often notice with our eyes that a person is not so beautiful, but at the same time, we like him. And it also happens that a person is visually attractive, but we don’t like it at all. This is due precisely to the subtle, elusive odors that we feel, but are not aware of it.