How to refuse a guy without him being offended. How to refuse a man in order to tie him down

The ability to say “no” is as important for a girl as mastering the basic skills of applying makeup, combining colors in the wardrobe and cooking more or less hearty dinner. And if you can somehow manage without the latter, then, without having an idea of ​​how to refuse a man and not ruin your relationship with him, you can seriously complicate your life.

Turning away an annoying passenger sitting on the next seat on public transport is one thing, but refusing a visit to the son of his mother’s friend is something completely different. You can’t brush him off like an annoying fly with a strong word or a magazine. You won’t be able to get off at the next stop and disperse like ships at sea - you will have the opportunity to meet more than once and have casual conversations about the weather. Classmates, classmates, work colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances - when refusing intimacy to these men, whether you like it or not, you will have to show tact.

Not knowing how to politely refuse a man, women often make similar mistakes. Source: Flickr (greta_marlene)

How you can’t refuse a man if you don’t want to ruin your relationship with him

1. Show intemperance and rudeness.

Of course, you are already tired of his obsessive attention and have every right to personal space. But any insolence is unacceptable. Firstly, because you are a girl. You should not spoil your image in the eyes of other potential suitors. And, secondly, think about it: since he chose you as the object of his adoration, it means he has at least one quality that deserves due respect from you - good taste.

2. Get personal and focus on his shortcomings.

The very fact of refusal is a serious blow to pride, which can permanently discourage a guy from approaching girls closer than a cannon shot. Therefore, you should not aggravate the situation and try to honestly explain what’s going on. Believe me, if this is not a narcissistic narcissist, then he himself is well aware of his shortcomings.

3. Regret.

If you are dealing with an adequate and sane guy, then pity is the last thing he would like to read in your eyes. Trying to pity and console, you will only make it worse - for him. manhood will be trampled.

Not knowing how to politely refuse a man, women often make similar mistakes. After which many of the objects of sympathy turn into objects of mockery and ridicule. A wounded male ego is a serious enemy, so it is better not to fight with him.

How to soften the refusal and get away with it?

If you're worried about how to politely refuse a man, prepare phrases that will help direct the conversation in the right direction in advance. There can be many options here, the main thing is to follow the basic 3 principles:

1. Speak convincingly.

A frank conversation is, of course, not a business report, but any of your words should sound just as confident and clear. Often men do not accept refusal precisely because it does not sound convincing at all.

This is interesting! Psychologists assure us that the way we speak matters much more than what we say. Verbally (that is, through words), the interlocutor perceives no more than 15% of the information. The remaining 85% is read through non-verbal signs - intonation, timbre of voice, body position, facial expressions, gestures, etc.

It is very difficult to convince a guy that you are not on the same path if you use all sorts of feminine tricks during a conversation. There is no need to straighten your curls, cross your legs, show off your neck and wrists, or play with your shoe - in this case, the suitor will certainly regard your “no” as “yes, but later.”

Another taboo is invading a man’s intimate area. There is no need to try to sweeten the pill with touches, hugs and friendly kisses. Before starting a conversation, make sure that the distance between you is at least 50 cm. Otherwise, on a subconscious level, your actions will be perceived by a man as a game of cat and mouse, and then do not expect him to leave you alone.

2. Don’t feed them with promises.

When choosing the right phrases before refusing a guy, immediately cross out sentences with approximately the following content:

• “I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet.”
• "Let's not now."
• "Let's not rush things."
• “Perhaps I’ll think about it,” etc.

It is unlikely that in this way you can cool the feelings of a man in love; rather, on the contrary, these words will only provoke him. It’s not easy to refuse, but by delaying the moment of truth, you will cause even more torment for both him and yourself. Don't know how to refuse someone without offending them? Be honest with him, at least in the part that concerns your real intentions. White lies in in this case- the worst that can happen.

Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and unforgiving - this is the only way you will be able to protect your personal space and not offend the guy. Source: Flickr (CEBImagery)

3. Provide a good reason.

The question of how to politely refuse a guy will be easier to resolve if you manage to justify your decision. Don’t leave him bewildered and explain what’s going on, then you will have a much better chance of maintaining a friendly relationship. The main thing is that this reason should be:

• respectful;
• believable (banal excuses are no good if you really don’t want to offend him);
• neutral (did not depend on him and had nothing to do with his personal qualities).

How to refuse a man without offending him? Choose one of several options:

• “I never have affairs at work, sorry, but this is a matter of principle.”
• "I'm sorry, but my heart is not free."
• “You are really very good, but I only like calm homebodies, what can you do about it,” etc.

There can be any number of such reasons, it all depends on the specific situation. The main thing is that they meet all three parameters discussed above.

Important! Psychologists know how to refuse a guy without offending him - start the phrase with a compliment. It should be sincere and touch on some strength of character, not appearance. Thus, we can note his courage, determination, determination, strength and assertiveness - in general, everything that can be considered a manifestation of masculinity.

Here’s what you can say in response to the confession: “I’m really amazed by your courage; not everyone can talk so openly about their feelings. Only truly strong men are capable of such an act. Sorry, but I already have a boyfriend and I’m sure that such a wonderful man like you will also soon have a worthy girlfriend.”

How to deal with a rejected man after an awkward conversation?

As a rule, one episode of a showdown is enough for the guy to never return to this issue. But if you had to deal with a particularly persistent suitor, then you will not be satisfied with words alone - you will have to back them up with real actions. Here's what you can do to cool down the ardor of an assertive gentleman without ruining your relationship with him:

1. Ignore.

You have already explained everything and were as correct as possible. Now you are not responsible for his experiences. Don’t try to be nice, ingratiate yourself and try to compensate for his hurt feelings with your attention. Reduce your communication to a formal level. Be kind, but distant.

2. Show your chosen one.

If you really have a young man, let him show himself to his lover a couple of times. Everyone around you should know that your heart is busy. If there is no one yet, ask one of your close friends to play this honorable role. After all, it’s one thing to impose your company on a defenseless girl, and quite another to risk facing an angry man one-on-one.

Feelings that we cannot reciprocate can cause a lot of unpleasant emotions. This is always a game on the edge and when the cards are revealed, not everyone manages to save good relationship. Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and unforgiving - this is the only way you will be able to protect your personal space and not offend the guy. Well, if nothing works out and the relationship is completely ruined, don’t worry too much. In the end, your own peace of mind is much more important than other people's fantasies.

Video on the topic

How to refuse a man? How to do this so that a man admires a girl? How not to lower a man's self-esteem? How can I make him more confident after your refusal? First of all, I want to thank you for the fact that this issue is important to you. After all, many girls don’t think at all about how to refuse a man correctly. Well, I refused and that’s good. Let him go through the forest.

A heartbreaking backstory about how a girl rejected me.

Walking around the city one evening, a woman has a great view from behind. Legs, beautiful blond hair, dressed with taste, gait. Interest arose, and even more fear enveloped my body.

Fear of approach - as it is called in pickup artist circles. This is an uncontrolled process. To get rid of fear, you just need to meet it halfway. Which is what I did.

“Hello,” I said. To which he received in response a surprised, slightly irritated face and silence. “Hello,” I repeated. And again her silence and businesslike, pretentious appearance.
“Are you always this serious?” - I ask in a joking manner.
“I just don’t see the point in communicating!” - she snapped.
"Understood. Then excuse me,” slowing down.

Let's analyze why the girl refused me?

Options:

She didn't like me outwardly.

She wasn't in the right mood.

I communicated incorrectly.

I was not persistent (not to be confused with obsession).

She has a man.

This is the norm for her.

Understand, that he could have been more persistent and perhaps everything would have worked out, because this is a woman. But I didn’t want to chat for show or to boost my self-esteem.

I was interested in the person. She showed herself as she is. Personally, I was not inspired. Looks good on the outside though.

Let's imagine in my place, a young man who is not interested in psychology as deeply as I am.

Guy 20 years old. He works as a sales manager, earns $500, thinks about his business, he has everything ahead of him.

And here he is walking around the city center. I saw a girl. He liked her. He's scared. He makes an attempt to communicate. But the girl didn’t like the guy...

What are her options?

1. Refuse the man, as usual.

2. It’s the “right” way to refuse a man.

I described option 1, plus or minus, in my story above.

Now let’s look at option 2, which is actually why I wrote this material.

How to politely refuse a man...

...and inspire him

Technique“Compliment - Program - Compliment”

What's the point?

Compliment(masculine quality, not appearance) - You are such a brave man

Program- But I have a young man and everything is fine with us / But at this period of my life I have other priorities / But I like older men.

Compliment— I’m convinced that a confident man like you will definitely find a worthy girl

How do you like this?

What happened in both the first and second cases? Both there and there - the girl refused the man.

What are the feelings, conclusions, self-esteem as a result of refusing a man in option 1?

It’s unpleasant, I’m not worthy, I was rejected, it’s better not to take the first step towards girls (so as not to get “pain” again).

In option 2?

A surge of strength, plus confidence, even greater respect and love for the female sex (and for you personally), the desire to take the first step towards girls (after all, it’s so cool).

More examples from life on how to refuse a man

Na: Come and visit.

Option 1 (typical).

Fuck you! / Oh God, you’re like everyone else / You only need sex!

Option 2 (correct).

You are such a direct man, but I do this only out of love, although I am sure such a strong man like you will definitely find what he is looking for

How to refuse a married man

Option 1 (typical)

I don’t communicate with married people, period / Better take care of your wife! / I hate men who cheat on their wives

Option 2 (correct)

You are a man from whom you can feel real strength, but I can only create a relationship with a free man, I am sure that such a charming man will be able to achieve what he wants in life without difficulty

Girls, questions to yourself:

1. I want to refuse a man with a purpose

a) increase your self-esteem

b) we are different, we are not on the same path

2. After refusing a man, I want him

a) thought how unworthy he was

b) became even more confident

If you still decide to use option of refusing a man #1 (typical) and “don’t strain yourself,” don’t be surprised why there are infantile men and boys around you with all the ensuing consequences.

Girls! I wish you to be surrounded only by strong and worthy men. Everything is in your hands.

Have you read the article, but still don’t understand how to refuse a man in your case? Write this case in the comments and I will definitely answer.

Read the top materials on my blog:

If a certain guy has sympathy for you, and you understand that for some reason you cannot reciprocate his feelings, then try to present your refusal in the most polite form. At the same time, it is important to observe moderation - not to become rude, but also not to answer so softly as if you were flirting.

How to politely refuse a guy without offending him

Refuse to meet someone when you are not interested in him

Refuse further communication to a stranger much easier than for someone you know, so don’t make a big deal out of it. If a similar situation arises somewhere on the street, simply answer: “Sorry, I’m in a hurry. Besides, I have a boyfriend." Such a short and very informative answer will probably save you from an unwanted acquaintance.

Refuse an invitation to a date

If we're talking about about a young man you don’t know well, then the situation is simpler - you have the opportunity to almost painlessly stop all further attempts to get closer. The easiest way is to say that you already have a boyfriend, and he obviously won't be happy if you decide to go on a date.

The situation is a little more complicated if you know a man well who wants to invite you to a romantic meeting. In this case, he is probably aware of the details of your personal life. If you are not sure that you will not change your mind about this guy, then say that in the near future you are busy with work (study, family matters), and you can return to this conversation no earlier than, for example, in a couple of weeks. During this time, you will be able to think about everything and decide how interesting this young man is to you. If you are convinced that you do not want to go on a date with him in a month or a year, then you will have to act more decisively. Be clear that you don't want to date at this time. You don't have to go into details. Explain to the man that you treat him wonderfully, but look at the situation soberly and see no point in transferring your relationship with him to another format.

Gently “shut off” during a personal meeting

You can directly admit to a guy that in order to start dating or at least go on a date, it is important for you to feel a certain “chemistry”, but now this is not the case. Perhaps your heart is already occupied by someone else - in this case, tell your admirer about it. If he simply seems unattractive or uninteresting to you, then it is better not to focus on this - it is better to voice another, albeit far-fetched, reason for your refusal - otherwise you can develop complexes in a person for many years.

If you know that a personal meeting awaits you, it is better to think about the reason for the refusal in advance, so that you are definitely not caught cheating. Don't say that you just don't want a relationship with someone if that's not really the case and you're attracted to someone. It is better to admit that you have sympathy for another person, because if soon after your refusal you start dating another guy, the young man whom you “send away” will feel deceived.

Gently refuse an offer to go for a walk

It would be stupid to respond to an offer to go for a walk: “I have a boyfriend!”, because, in fact, the man is not offering you a relationship yet. In general, this even makes your task easier. Of course, often a walk is followed by proposals for a relationship, and, anticipating this, girls try to get rid of the fan they don’t like in advance.

So, what reasons for refusal will sound quite natural:

• Fatigue. If a guy invites you to go for a walk, but you yourself understand that he does not arouse your interest, you can refuse, citing fatigue. Answer that you are tired from training, work or study (choose the most appropriate option). If you periodically give such answers, then, most likely, sooner or later the guy will understand that these are just excuses, but this is unlikely to upset you.
• Busy. You can also regularly refer to employment. Here you can use all your imagination and come up with many reasons - you promised to help a friend with some business, you can’t put off some household chores, you need to work on a certain project, and the like.

It's nice to refuse communication

Of course, when a kind and polite man shows personal interest in us, whom we for some reason do not consider as a potential chosen one, we do not want to voice a rude or insulting refusal. What is the right thing to do? First of all, let the person know that you are very pleased that today he has singled you out from other women and you are grateful to him for this. Note that you like him as a person, but nevertheless you do not want to give him false hopes.

Tell him that you respect him very much, so you don’t want to deceive or mislead him. Admit that there are some reasons why you do not want to develop a relationship, and you are sure that this is unchanged. Your refusal should sound unambiguous and firm, so that the fan does not live under illusions. Let him know that you don't believe your communication is meaningful and you don't want to test it. Reassure him that over time he will see for himself that he needs another person.

How to tactfully refuse a man's offer to date

It is important to convey to the man that you really do not want to date him, but this should be done very delicately. However, he should realize that your “no” is just that, and you are not trying to “increase your worth” or anything like that. You must voice your refusal in a personal conversation, avoiding the presence of any witnesses.

Don’t forget that if a man offers you a relationship, it means that at least he likes you, he singled you out and noted you. That is why you should not behave arrogantly or aggressively with him, treat him with understanding.

Admit that his attention flatters you, and you treat him with respect as a person, but you do not want to give him vain hopes, “lead him by the nose” or keep him in uncertainty. Tell him that he deserves to immediately know about your true attitude - you are not against maintaining friendly relations, but you do not see him as your chosen one, and you are sure that this will not change. It is quite possible that after this you will really be able to establish friendly contact with this guy for many years.

How to properly refuse sex to a guy so that he doesn’t get offended

Of course, if you do not have a close relationship with a guy (you are not dating as a couple, you have not expressed serious feelings for each other), then you should not worry that refusing sex will offend him - this is a completely natural answer. Say directly that intimacy is possible for you only in a relationship with your boyfriend or fiancé, but not otherwise.

It's another matter if we are talking about a young man with whom you are already in a relationship. In this case, since you are together, it is obvious that you like him and in the future you are considering the option of having sex. In this case, gently explain to him why this is impossible right now. So, what are the options:

You need to get used to it

Some girls find it difficult to decide to have sex almost immediately after they start dating a young man. Tell your guy that you are one of those girls who needs to fully realize that you are now a couple, and you want to get used to this feeling. Give an approximate time frame. Speak confidentially and softly. If a guy cares about you, he is unlikely to insist. However, it is still important to indicate at least approximate deadlines.

You are a virgin and this is an important step for you

If this is really the case, then there is no point in hiding it or hushing it up. Admit to the guy that you have not been intimate with other men before, and you need some time to decide to take this step. There is nothing strange or wild about this - for virgin girls such behavior is quite expected.

You don't want to be distracted

If you have already had sex, but now you don’t want to get closer, then you can tell the guy that you are immersed in thoughts about something else (problems at work, family troubles), and you don’t want him to get involved because of your distraction. these questions ruined your intimate evening. Admit that you are in a very bad mood, and this is not the best moment to give each other tenderness, but you want everything to be “on top.”

The most successful phrases for refusal in a comic form

If you want to add a little humor to your refusal, there are a few tricks you can take note of. As you know, many young people are wary of overly religious girls, and you can play on this! If a guy asks you out on a date, you can say, “That's a good idea, but I usually spend all my free time at our religious community, so I suggest we meet there. Moreover, we need new participants! Call me when you decide!” In this case, you can leave a “fake” phone number.

You can also answer this way: “I have four children, and I have no one to leave them with, so choose a place for a date that will be interesting for my children too!”

If, after such statements, a young man still calls you, then it makes sense to look at him with a new eye - perhaps he is still worthy of attention?

The guy proposed a relationship, but the girl does not consider his candidacy seriously - a common situation, the solution of which should be approached with special tact. Male psychology is extremely subtle, and a rude refusal can ruin a person’s entire future life, lowering his self-esteem and negatively affecting the ability to find a worthy companion in the future.

How to refuse a guy to date beautifully and convincingly

Often a girl does not push away a boyfriend who, for whatever reason, is an unacceptable option for her. Most often, this comes from the desire to increase one’s importance in the eyes of mutual acquaintances and especially girlfriends.

Sometimes such a suitor plays the role of " alternate airfield"or a pillow to cry into from time to time.

It is quite cruel to torment a person, periodically letting him in and pushing him away. It is much more beautiful to act decisively, giving the boyfriend the opportunity to understand that he will never become the only one necessary.

A smart girl will not stoop to humiliating a young man and will try to resolve the situation with minimal damage to the guy’s psyche, as well as to herself:

• First of all, the conversation must take place without witnesses. It is advisable to think through phrases in advance on how to refuse to meet a guy, so as not to select the right words during a conversation. You need to be persistent. The young man should not have the slightest doubt that the girl is firm in her intentions and there can be no talk of further meetings;
• You can, of course, offer to remain friends. However, if a guy is really sincerely in love, he should be kept from such communication. Therefore, it is better to minimize all possible contacts, never contact him with requests and not provoke new hopes. Naturally, meetings at mutual parties of friends will continue to occur. You just don’t need to single him out from the crowd, communicate exactly as you would with other acquaintances, but not close people;
• How to politely refuse to meet a guy without compromising his dignity? It is not worth saying that the relationship is impossible solely due to his fault, for example, that the young man is not suitable in character or interests, is unkempt, and does not inspire trust. It is better to focus on your shortcomings;
• A girl can say that she is proud of the young man’s attitude, but she herself is too flighty and is not going to build a strong relationship. Perhaps this is hampered by the desire to devote herself to science, or the presence in her life of a person about whom she secretly sighs. In the end, you can refer to your frigidity. The main thing is to try to destroy the ideal image created by the young man’s imagination;
• If a girl's own shortcomings seem like advantages to a guy, good option How to refuse to meet a guy, explain that he is a great friend, but there is no sexual attraction to him. You can offer to continue to remain friends, of course, if this relationship does not disgust him;
• If a guy you don’t know well offers to meet, how can you refuse in order to immediately set the record straight? There is no point in citing a lack of time; the persistent gentleman will repeat his invitation later. It is better to immediately explain that a relationship is impossible, so as not to provoke vain hopes;
• For example, you can say that you already have a boyfriend. If the young man does not believe, arrange a “random” meeting. Even if in fact there is no boyfriend, you can ask a friend who can play the role of a lover for a favor;
• Sometimes a girl shows indecisiveness and cannot call a young man for a frank conversation. Fortunately, modern methods of communication allow you to do this at a distance, since you can refuse to meet a guy in contact or with the help email. It is better to write a fairly lengthy letter with your own view of the situation and a request not to disturb you with courtship. An intelligent young man will probably understand the futility of attempts and appreciate a sensitive attitude.

However, such measures are good if the guy is adequate enough and is able to understand that persistence will not bring him closer to the desired result. What to do if, despite all the admonitions, the young man continues his courtship, which begins to resemble real persecution?

What to do if your gentleman persists

Trying on different roles

The role of a caring mother also helps a lot with the issue of breaking up. Every day you need to call the guy several times, asking how he slept, what he ate, whether he forgot to tie a scarf - the weather is so windy outside! In companies, you should also relentlessly follow the young man, without being embarrassed by comical situations. It's a rare man who can handle two mothers.

An interesting idea is to play the role of matchmaker. At a party where the unlucky lover is present, you can ask him for a favor, for example, to see off a close friend. At the same time, it should be mentioned how dear this little man is.

Then the young man will be imbued with the importance of the task and is unlikely to refuse a small trifle for his adored idol. Who knows, maybe two lonely people will develop friendships that will eventually develop into something more?

Be careful!

Refusing to date a guy is a real science for a girl who is not deprived of male attention.

Sometimes you have to step over your own pride in order to do it tactfully and not harm a young man with truly remarkable qualities. However, in any case, you should refuse decisively, without exposing yourself to the risk of obsessive courtship and the guy to humiliation.

A person by nature is inclined to look for a soul mate similar to himself: the same principles, understanding, outlook on life and other principles become the criterion for selecting a partner.

Rarely do girls manage to meet that one guy, although other male representatives constantly offer to meet.

In this situation, a difficulty arises: how to politely refuse a meeting with a man so that he remains calm.

To refuse a guy gracefully without offending him, we offer some effective and simple tips.

The need to refuse a guy’s offer to date arises quite often.

Girls may not like the young man’s behavior style, his rudeness, excessive pathos, rudeness and assertiveness.

Former boyfriends can also often pursue girls who have decided to start a new life.

To correctly refuse a meeting, date or relationship, pay attention to proven phrases:

1. After thinking for a long time, I realized: you are not ready for a serious relationship. I only accept serious connections, so we should wait - the option will turn the guy’s actions in the right direction.

   He will suddenly change his behavior, so the girl should be more assertive in refusing.

2. Now on mine life path Difficulties are happening, so I’m not in the mood to communicate with guys, sorry - this method will help to tactfully get away from a relationship that has not yet begun.
3. Sorry, but I don’t want to hastily start a relationship with a person, I need to think carefully - the guy will offer to wait, so the young lady needs to politely turn him off.
4. I don’t meet guys on the street, my mother taught me good manners - it’s appropriate to respectfully refuse a guy who asks for a phone number.

Many girls, having refused, continue to make mistakes. Psychologists insist that after refusal the lady changes her behavior: it must coincide with what was said the day before.

For example, trying to seek communication after a refusal, flirting with a man - all this characterizes a girl from a negative side.

You should refrain from insults - this is too low for the behavior of a decent girl.

How to correctly refuse intimacy and sex without offending a guy

The difficulty for polite young ladies is how to refuse intimacy and sex to a man without offending him.

It happens that the first time is still a long way off, although the man persistently suggests moving to the next step.

Then you should show delicacy and gently refuse the offer: simple tips from psychologists will help smooth out the guy’s resentment.

Pay attention! Denial of sex is needed not only when a relationship begins. It is needed in a married couple when the woman is tired, but does not want to offend her husband.

Let's consider popular ways to refuse sex to representatives of the stronger sex without affecting his feelings and maintaining love:

How to maintain friendships and continue communication

Refusal is always accompanied by unpleasant experiences and negative consequences.

Every woman can prevent them by choosing the right strategy of behavior.

Effective advice from psychoanalysts will help maintain friendship and continue communication correctly:

1. Support. Close friend who has received a refusal is probably in a depressed state. Despite this, it is necessary to constantly encourage the man.

   If you specifically look for a meeting, trying to console a friend, he will think that the girl has feelings for him.

   It is enough to accept the young man’s communication and continue to maintain friendly ties.

2. Mutual acquaintances. Most cases indicate that after a refusal, a guy and a girl still have mutual acquaintances and friends.

   Meet in common companies, have fun, communicate. Then you shouldn’t cross the line and behave as if the refusal was not sincere.

3. Keep your distance. From the moment when a girl beautifully refused a young man, it is worth paying attention to the behavior.

   Inform the man that from now on communication will become friendly.

4. Abstract yourself. Move on, because there are still many new acquaintances ahead.
5. Tact. Only adequate communication will help maintain friendly ties with a man. Self-analysis and digging into yourself are unnecessary here - accept everything as it is and move on.
6. Lack of flirting. Refuse to flirt towards the young man, and if you notice that he himself wants to flirt, move away.
7. Lack of personal information. From now on, you should not devote a man to your personal experiences and adversities. This will give him extra hope.

For a young man to be offended, it is enough to completely stop communicating with him. The approach promises trouble, but if it is the only way out, use it.