To your tune. Seven women's ways to manipulate men

You’ve already forgotten what it’s like to not be in a hurry, to do all your work calmly, and on the weekends to sleep as much as you want, and not to waste your time doing household chores and finishing up what you didn’t have time to do in the past working week? We understand that everyone lives like this now. But there are also those who struggle with this. Among them are the so-called slowlifers (from the English slow - slow and life - life).

PRINCIPLES. It all started with the fact that 14 years ago, in contrast to the total fashion for fast food, the Italians came up with the slow food system (“slow food”). It quickly spread throughout the world, coming to Ukraine four years ago. The motto of this system is simple: food should be enjoyable. And you can get it only if you eat thoughtfully, without being distracted by watching TV or talking on your mobile phone.

Of course, slowlife includes not only right attitude to food. This concept has long become much broader, and slowlifers have developed their own unique principles of life. The main one is “no haste and fuss.” This does not mean that you have to spend four hours doing one thing. The main thing is to do everything calmly and not be distracted by anything, including the phone and social networks. On weekends, you should try not to go near the computer, and basically get rid of the TV as a useless thing. On vacation - for at least three weeks, and on vacation in one place - for at least seven days. And also - as many walks and conversations as possible with loved ones.

Slowlifers devote at least 20 minutes a day to oriental gymnastics - yoga, qigong - or simply meditation. Sex should also be slow: let the principle of “getting it all done in three minutes” be reserved for sprinters. Ideally, practice tantric sex, the masters of which can prolong pleasure for up to 10 hours.

PERSONAL HISTORY. In other countries, slowlifers have long been united in communities, but in our country it’s still quiet: all slowlifers are on their own. One of them is 26-year-old Vika Volkova. She moved to Kyiv from Zaporozhye two years ago. The story is banal: I wanted to go to the capital, I grabbed any job - just to get hooked. As a result, I found a job as a manager at a travel agency. I worked six days a week, 12 hours a day, came home around midnight and immediately fell into bed. On my only day off, I woke up after three o’clock in the afternoon and, naturally, there was little time left for myself. This is how every week of her life passed.

“I increasingly began to ask myself the question: “Why do I need all this? Why am I depriving myself of my personal life and many pleasures so that a person unknown to me can go to Egypt?” There were no answers. And then I realized that if I don’t change anything myself, no one will do it for me. I started looking for information on how to organize my working time more effectively, and came across an article about slowlife.”

The first thing Vika did was change her job to a quieter one, as a secretary in a small private bank. The salary was lower than the first one, but the schedule was human, no overtime or work on weekends. “The working day begins with a quiet check of the mail. Lunch break is a sacred time: work stops and everyone goes to lunch together, exchanging news. The bank itself is half an hour away from home by minibus. For comparison: it took me an hour and a half to get to my last job one way. All evenings and weekends became mine. After work, when the weather permits, I walk home.

I stopped planning my weekends altogether: I wake up, read a book for at least an hour, then do something around the house. By the way, I began to devote exactly half an hour a day to household chores: today - only washing, tomorrow - only ironing, the day after tomorrow - only washing the floors. As a result, the problem of spending the entire weekend on cleaning disappeared altogether.

I also gave up the habit of eating in front of a laptop or a book: firstly, this way you eat less, and secondly, you are more thoughtful about the process of eating. By the way, about computers: I asked the system administrator at work to set a limit on social networks during working hours - this way I am not distracted by them and save a lot of working time. All “contacts - classmates - Facebook” - in the evening, and I removed 80 percent of the “friends” from there, leaving the closest ones.

I also had time for a more responsible approach to relationships with men. Previously, if I met someone while meeting on the Internet, these dates were quick and rarely led to anything worthwhile. Then I only started meeting people in person and realized that only after five or six calm meetings can I see how everything will go further. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a year now, and now for the first time I’m thinking about family and children. I have time for this, you know? And most importantly, I don’t wake up thinking that I need to run somewhere. And this is happiness."

“IT IS IMPORTANT TO FIND YOUR SPEED OF LIFE”

Anna Rymarenko, psychologist:

“Fear makes us live in turmoil. Not catching the “rushing train of life”, missing out on all the fun, not achieving success by 30. The root of this fear is in our thinking, the essence of which is well shown in the old cartoon: “Let’s run quickly, otherwise they’ll eat everything delicious!” But if you still listen to yourself, then there is a risk of learning a lot of unpleasant things: that we build a career in order to receive recognition and respect - but we deserve it simply because we are; that we have hundreds of “friends” on social networks, but we haven’t seen our closest friends for six months; that we take out loans for expensive and high-status things in order to drown out our spiritual hunger for real relationships, impressions and experiences. And the heroine Vika plucked up courage and asked herself the main questions at the right time: “Why am I living?”, “What do I want?”, “What and for what am I sacrificing?” And the point is not to live “slowly”. The main thing is to listen to yourself and find your speed of life. And also - develop trust in people and the world: along with this will come the confidence that you will have enough money, time and opportunities.

HOW NOT TO Rush. To get rid of the feeling of fuss and panic (“I don’t have time to do anything!”), it is very important to draw up a work plan for the day. During the day, when you feel that internal rush is beginning, close your eyes for a couple of seconds, breathe calmly and tell yourself: “I have enough time. I'll make it in time." In fact, it is very important to give up social networks, Skype and Asec while working. After all, constant distractions by them, email and news increase the level of anxiety: we are afraid of missing something interesting. Decide how often you will check messages - once an hour, a day, a week - and stick to this time.

Regarding vacation: in our realities, it is advisable to take it for at least 2 weeks so that the program for renewing the body’s strength starts (of course, if you are relaxing for the benefit of the body). Eastern practices have a powerful healing effect on the nervous system and the entire body as a whole. 20 minutes of yoga, qigong, tai chi, etc. will restore your strength much better than two hours on the couch watching TV. By the way, about TV: slowlifers advise getting rid of it not only because a lot of negativity pours from its screen, but also because they like to show programs like “Stories of Successful 25-Year-Old People” on it, which are full of stories about how young guys and girls work 24 hours a day and earn a lot of money. Such examples force us to follow them and forget about our own rhythm of life in favor of the realities of the 21st century.

CONS. And although slow living is certainly important, it also has its disadvantages. First, it requires a lot of courage and determination to go against the grain. Social pressure can be expressed in a variety of forms - from the boss’s “Replant 20 rose bushes before noon” to the parent’s “You’re already 23, and we don’t have grandchildren yet!” Secondly, the desire for this method may hide infantilism, an inability to accept responsibility for oneself and loved ones, and a tendency to go with the flow, having no plans and avoiding obligations.

And trust.

Adjustments can be made along different lines and levels. Most often, adjustments are made to the body (posture and gestures), adjustments to breathing, to the vocabulary used in communication, to voice and speech, and to values. Body adjustments are the simplest and most popular adjustments.

​​​​​​​​​​​​Total adjustment is the richest in terms of results, but the most labor-intensive adjustment. This is the maximum adjustment to your partner in all parameters available to you, when you completely, as far as possible, situationally copy the person. You are him. How possible is this for you?

This is usually difficult and not really necessary. If, when making contact, you begin to consistently adjust to the body, then to the rhythm, then to the breathing and voice, while at the same time also listening to the vocabulary preferences of the interlocutor, then without habit your head will swell and you will waste time. Exit? Among the many different adjustments, choose for active use the one or two that suit your liking (or body) and which in your performance give the best result.

A good adjustment is one that, having created contact between you, is used by you to guide the content and style of communication in the direction that both you and your partner need.

Maintenance is one of the brightest and most attractive effects of a competent extension. Many people dream of “tying” their partner to an invisible magic thread, with the help of which they could be led in the right direction. Leading is precisely this “trick”, when an invisible connection is created between you and your partner: you almost physically feel your partner, and he feels you, and by changing your own behavior, you get the opportunity to similarly change your partner’s behavior and lead him.

Tuning

Detuning is the destruction of all possible adjustment correspondences between you, creating a feeling in your partner of a break in contact.

The detuning can be conscious or not.

Detachment from external control: the ability to ignore how other people evaluate your behavior, the ability to focus only on your own views and values.

Exercise "Adjustment"

Task: adapt to the person and establish good contact in order to bring him to the next stage. Lead him in the right direction.

Why it's useful:

For a psychologist, an extremely important skill is to lead the client where he needs to go without resistance.

OZR: I can easily adapt to a person, in 9 cases out of 10, according to various parameters: breathing, voice, modality of speech, posture, convictions, beliefs, what we have in common, values. Duration 1 month.

How I will work:

I take the exercises from the results of the NLP session:

Adjust to a person’s breathing (once a day) with one person;

On the body 1 time per day with at least one person;

By values ​​(1 time per day with one person);

In general “We” (see above);

By conviction (see above).

As you know, perfect programs do not exist in nature. There are no programs in nature that would appeal to every user working with them. From time to time there is a desire to change one or another function of the program, make it as convenient as possible, customize it for yourself, at the same time changing the appearance of the program literally beyond recognition. But often this desire runs into a lack of programming qualifications and that’s where it all ends. For quick and convenient editing of icons, structural elements, program dialog boxes, as well as visual editing of its “source”, use the Resource Hacker utility.

Resource Hacker is designed to view, edit, add, delete and extract program objects in 32-bit executable files under Win 95/98/ME/NT/2000, as well as in system libraries (.dll, .ocx, .cpl). The utility allows you to work even with those functions that are not used in current versions of programs or are simply hidden. It also makes it possible to effortlessly change the appearance of the installed operating system (from the Start button to the appearance of Explorer) and set the blocking of certain functions (such as, for example, displaying banners in shareware programs) , add or remove functions in the desired program. This, by the way, can reduce an excessively “swollen” program and, accordingly, significantly speed up its loading speed.

In just a few mouse clicks, you can change the type of cursor, icon, images used in it (in .bmp, .gif and .jpg formats), as well as video files (.avi) and music inserts (.wav, .midi) in the program you are editing. The utility allows you to edit menus, dialog boxes, the appearance of the program, functions for working with external devices, a help file and comments from the authors, as well as information about the program itself. The contents of the sections are shown in the form of a decompiled script, while changes made to menus and dialog boxes are immediately shown in the window of the application being edited, so you do not have to constantly compile the file and check its operation - the program itself will automatically show what has changed and how. In addition, in the pop-up menu you can specify what exactly you want to change, and the program will prompt you in the corresponding menu for the required line. And to accurately find the desired section of text, you just need to use the search. After editing, you can save the file in the appropriate program format or as binary code. In addition, you can “cut” all “external” files (images, icons, source text) from the exe file by selecting the “Save all resources...” function in the main menu in the “Action” section. The only drawback of Resource Hacker is that it does not works with 16-bit executable files under Win 3.x.

Thus, Resource Hacker will allow many to realize their long-standing dream - to improve familiar programs and add new non-standard functions to them in just a few minutes. In general, use at your own risk. The total size of the program is 530 KB, and its latest version can be downloaded from one of the mirrors at.

Original ways to configure iOS.

Even without jailbreak, iPhone and iPad users have many ways to personalize their device. In this article we will talk about five far from the most obvious, but extremely simple ways adjusting the device to your personal preferences.

Change text size

The standard text size on iPhone and iPad suits most users, at least that's what everyone thinks. However, once you look at what a larger or smaller font looks like (depending on preferences and, of course, vision), some people's opinions begin to change. You can see what your iPhone or iPad might look like with the text size changed and apply the settings you like in the menu “ Settings» → « Basic» → « Universal Access» → « Enlarged text" In addition, here, in the “Universal Access” menu, you can activate the “ Bold type", which may also appeal to many (a reboot is required to use it).

Turn on zoom

Few people know, but you can zoom in on your iPhone and iPad for a closer look. For example, you can even enlarge photos from Instagram, which by default cannot be enlarged in the official service application. All you need to do to activate the zoom feature is go to the " Settings» → « Basic» → « Universal Access» → « Increase" and turn on the switch " Increase" After that, every time you touch the display twice with three fingers, the zoom mode will be activated. You can exit it with the same gesture.

Enable LED flash for alerts

iPhone users can make their smartphone's LED flash blink when new notifications or calls arrive. To include this small but creepy useful function you need to go to the menu " Settings» → « Basic» → « Universal Access" and in the "Hearing" section turn on the switch " LED flash for warnings" Changes will take effect immediately. Please note that your iPhone's flash will only blink when the smartphone is locked.

Design your buttons in a special way

You can also change the shape of the buttons on your mobile device, although there is not a large selection of button types. Everything in the same menu " Settings» → « Basic» → « Universal Access» activate the item « Button shapes“You will notice the changes immediately. If you don't like this alternative button shape, move the switch to the inactive position.

Set a special vibration for special contacts

For each specific contact, you can choose not only your own ringtone, but also a special type of vibration, and iOS gives you the opportunity to create this vibration personally. Go to menu " Settings» → « Sounds» → « Vibration" and select " Create vibration" After this, set a new vibration pattern by simply tapping the corresponding rhythmic pattern on the screen, save the pattern and assign the created vibration to the required contact.

Which manipulations are the most effective and what the habit of skimping on a man can lead to, says Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You,” psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships.

Game on the verge of a foul

According to Kuznetsova, all representatives of the stronger sex can be manipulated, the main thing is to correctly decide on the method. For example, it is stupid to try to influence a man who has not been interested in his wife sexually for a long time by refusing sex, or to “forget” cooking at the moment when his partner. There is no point in influencing a strong and self-sufficient man with scandals. In a word, a woman must first choose the right “pain point” in order to successfully influence her partner.

The psychologist emphasizes that it is worth resorting to any manipulation only if it is not possible to reach an agreement in an amicable way; it is also not worth abusing it.

You can force your partner to act according to your scenario using manipulation only if he: the man not only fulfills your conditions, but also draws the right conclusions about how to behave in the future. If there is no interest in each other, then no.

“Any manipulation is always a game on the verge of a foul. It must be dosed. And if manipulation has already become a system, then it turns out that you are spreading rot on your partner. On the other hand, why do you hate him? Does he constantly dissatisfy you with something? Then it makes no sense to put a spoke in his wheels,” states Kuznetsova.

When, after the first and even after the second manipulation used by the lady, nothing has changed in the relationship with the man, you should explain. If a partner, in response to a woman’s claims, said: “Fuck you,” you can manifest it at least every day, it will not give any result - . If a man makes contact, then you need to discuss the exciting problem with him and try to come to an agreement.

There are seven most common methods of female manipulation

1. Complete ignore

Not noticing a partner is one of women’s most favorite methods of manipulation. It works on absolutely all men. However, the danger of this method lies in the possibility of “playing too hard” - the lady begins to ignore the man and pout with or without reason.

The psychologist advises to always explain to your partner the reason why they don’t want to communicate with him. Otherwise, the situation often looks like this. A man has insulted or offended a woman, she withdraws and... In this case, the lady usually reasons like this: “Well, he must understand that he offended me.” But the man is not a telepath, and sometimes he sincerely does not understand what happened. Noticing that the young lady was behaving strangely, the guy clarified: “Are you sulking?” And most often she answers: “No.”

“Well, who is the stupid woman after that?” - asks Kuznetsova.

She is sure that before analyzing any situation, you need to look at the relationship in the couple. If, then no matter how much a woman “ignores”, she will not achieve anything from her partner. He simply won’t care: “Be silent, thank God.” But if people are interested in each other, and the guy asks: “Are you offended?”, you should give an affirmative answer and explain the reason for your behavior. Just make your explanation compact and clear.

“When you try to explain your emotions to a man and it turns out to be butter, blood and love, the man doesn’t understand the concept. He understands that you are dissatisfied with something, but he has no idea what exactly. Therefore, the situation must be explained in almost three words: “You sent me,” or: , or: “You insulted my mother.” And only then can bloody blood and love be used. Complement by coloring,” says Elena Kuznetsova.

If your partner is interested in you, he will improve. And if not, then your manipulations will also be useless. Ignoring without explanation is stupid. Eventually your partner will get tired of it and stop paying attention to your pout.

2. Food manipulation

Many women, having quarreled with their partner, refuse to care for him in everyday life: men do not wash their clothes, do not iron their shirts, but most often, do not cook. And this is another most common way of manipulation.

As in any other case, you should resort to this method only if the man has seriously “messed up”. To begin with, you don’t even have to explain anything to a man. You can simply and in the evening not wait for him to return with a prepared dinner, as he is used to. If he suddenly asks: “Where is the food?”, then you can proudly declare: “First, learn how to behave.”

3. Tears

An incredibly effective method of manipulation that no man can resist.

The main thing here is not to overdo it, everything should be dosed, warns Kuznetsova. You should not cry over any nonsense and for any reason, so that the man does not get used to your tears. . Preferably quietly and very sadly. Don’t throw tantrums at your partner and never give any ultimatums. There is no need to cry and say: “I want shuuubu”; do not be like a capricious child. Better say: “Toma walks so beautifully, she has such a fur coat. And I'm so ugly for you. But I understand that you still don’t have money for a fur coat, that’s why I’m crying.” Your task, and tears are an excellent tool here. After such a performance, a man should bend over backwards, but come up with something and buy you at least a chicken.

4. Sex

This manipulation is only permissible in the couple that leads, and the man constantly wants the woman. If sex is on the decline, you won’t be able to manipulate your partner by refusing sex.

Of course, you should not use this manipulation if you asked your partner to wash the dishes, but he did not. It's too petty for refusing sex. Disconnection from the body is permissible if the man has truly seriously offended you. When refusing to have sex with your partner, explain the reason for your action.

5. Scandal

This is also incredible dangerous method impact on a man. Perhaps even more dangerous than sex manipulation, says Kuznetsova. She explains that refusal of intimacy has its consequences, and in case of emergency, a man is able to solve the problem on his own. The scandal has a psychological background, and the partner will not be able to solve the problem alone.

“When a man hears her screams, he simply shuts down. No normal person likes being yelled at. So hysterical women just need to think about how long they can stand it,” says the relationship consultant.

According to Kuznetsova, no one will live long with a woman who likes to scandalize in order to “bend” a man under her. The maximum that a partner can endure is a year.

6. Money

IN in this case the manipulation works if the woman has status and earns well. Most often, this method is used to “punish” someone for, for example, staring at another woman. The situation is primitive, but obvious. The extent of “punishment” also needs to be known, otherwise the man, who, in fact, lives with the lady only for the money, will leave her because he has stopped receiving the desired goods.

7. Children

This is perhaps the most cynical type of female manipulation. There are two points here. The first is that a woman gives birth to a child from a man not because she loves him, but because she wants to keep him. The second point - it doesn’t give ex-husband see the child.

“Manipulation with children is now very common, because women, by hook or by crook, are in catastrophic shortage. Very often a woman, realizing that a man will not marry her because he, for example, is already married, becomes pregnant from him. This is the easiest thing to do to yourself, or to get money,” states Kuznetsova.

The psychologist notes that the child is not able to mend a falling apart relationship. And if a woman, whose husband is about to leave her, decides to give birth to him only in order to keep him near her, this is a mistake. Children have never restrained anyone before.

“A woman commits a great sin by manipulating a child, because it is not his fault that the mother has it. Such manipulations are beyond good and evil, it is not human. In any case, the child suffers,” the psychologist is sure.

Useful information

Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You”, family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35. Call on weekdays from 11:00 to 19:00.

Women who try to influence a man with a child after a divorce, thus venting their resentment, or for financial reasons, also behave foolishly. It is no longer possible to save the relationship, but it is very possible to ruin a child’s life by depriving him of the opportunity.

If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected].