What to say when saying goodbye to the deceased. Rules of conduct for the deceased and during the funeral

The topic of funerals is a very sad one, but everyone has to deal with it sooner or later. Many are lost from surprise, because death always comes suddenly. Even if a person was seriously ill, and death was inevitable according to all forecasts, the sad outcome is always perceived as tragic by others. At such moments, loved ones lose peace of mind, feel abandoned and helpless. With our sincere participation we can support them and alleviate their suffering.

Mourning etiquette requires especially tactful behavior with the relatives of the deceased, attentive attention to any, even the smallest details of the burial ceremony. In order not to upset anyone with inappropriate actions or words at such a difficult moment, you should inquire in advance about the rules of conduct at a funeral.

During the funeral service

If the relatives of the deceased order a funeral ceremony in a church, then it's up to you whether to attend or not. The most correct thing is to find out about this in advance and clarify what funeral rites are accepted in a particular religion.

For example, among Orthodox Christians, all those present hold lighted candles in their hands and, standing at the coffin, read prayers. In Jewish tradition, it is inappropriate to bring wreaths or flowers to a funeral. And Catholics send out written invitations to a memorial service - a mass.

At a funeral service, the first places at the coffin are always reserved for close relatives. Therefore, you need to sit or stand a little further away. In addition, if you are ignorant of rituals, it will be easier to navigate from there and repeat after others what everyone else does: bowing, laying a cross or repeating the words of a prayer.

If you adhere to a different faith or religious views, you it is not necessary to perform the rituals of someone else's faith. You can simply stand or sit on the sidelines with your head bowed mournfully and thereby express respect for the deceased and everyone present.

The correct thing to do is turn off your phone or put it in silent mode. It is indecent and tactless to correspond by phone during the ceremony, as well as to film the ceremony without prior approval from relatives or the funeral director.

• In the old days, the funeral procession moved on foot from the temple to the cemetery. Several people are required to carry the coffin with the body and the lid. Close relatives cannot carry the coffin. Traditionally, family and friends follow the coffin immediately. They also bear the first wreaths. Now this path is the distance to the hearse, and the accompanying people then follow to the cemetery by transport.
• Mourning etiquette prescribes appropriate funeral rules. It must correspond to the atmosphere of grief and sadness. Clothes do not have to be black; calm tones are sufficient, preferably dark ones. For men, a dark classic suit is suitable.
• If the farewell ceremony takes place in a church, then women need to cover their hair with a headscarf or scarf. It is inappropriate for a woman to wear trousers to a funeral. It is better to wear shoes that are as comfortable as possible on this day.
• Since on the day of the funeral relatives are faced not only with grief, but also with an avalanche of worries, you, if you wish, will have the opportunity to provide all possible assistance. By doing this you will not only ease their suffering, but will show respect and pay your last tribute.
  Take on what you can actually do. For example, helping with the table at a wake, looking after children, saving someone from an emotional breakdown, or driving people to the train station. The main thing is that your help is specific, and what it can be, you will see for yourself, depending on the circumstances.

Flowers and wreaths at funerals

Funeral wreaths have long had their own symbolism. They use evergreens, as guides to another world, as well as artificial and fresh flowers- a symbol of rebirth. The circle of the ritual wreath means continuity and cyclicity, eternal life through the dying and rebirth of the soul.

The last offering to the deceased in the form of a wreath is prepared by relatives, friends, and colleagues. Ribbons with memorable inscriptions are woven into the wreath. It is not advisable to write anyone’s name on the ribbons; they usually indicate “From relatives,” “From colleagues,” etc. Wreaths are carried behind the coffin, and after burial they are placed on the grave. They are preserved for a very long time and decorate the grave with bright colors even in winter.

Funeral etiquette prescribes choosing certain varieties and colors of fresh flowers for funerals. During the ceremony, when saying goodbye, they are placed in the coffin of the deceased, and before burial they are taken out and laid out on top of the grave.

Red flowers, including red roses, as a symbol of love, can only be brought to the funeral by the closest relatives. However, according to some beliefs, roses are an inappropriate flower for funerals due to their thorns. Can be issued funeral bouquet with black ribbon of even number chrysanthemums, carnations, callas, lilies or even orchids.

To the cemetery

Some people prefer not to go to the cemetery, especially people who are not very close to the deceased. Funeral rules do not require mandatory attendance at all stages of the ceremony. After all, the main goal of those who come to the funeral is to express condolences to the family of the deceased and say goodbye to the person who has passed away.

If you decide to attend the burial, then a certain ceremony is observed at the cemetery.

1. First they approach their relatives to say. You can also shake hands or hug, depending on your degree of relationship or familiarity with the deceased.
2. During the funeral, relatives are placed on the left hand of the deceased, and acquaintances and friends are placed on the right. This is the emotionally most difficult stage of farewell, when the deceased is buried and the realization comes that it will no longer be possible to see him. So, when going to the cemetery, stock up on napkins, water and medicine - if not for yourself, then for those who find it much more difficult to survive this day.
3. Men at funerals must remove their hats. In winter, in the cold, this must be done, at least for a short time, lowering the coffin into the ground. Relatives throw three handfuls of earth on the coffin as a sign of farewell and release - committing the body to the earth.
4. Sometimes at the cemetery words of farewell are said over the coffin. This is a kind of civil funeral service. Everyone can speak out if they have something to say. It would be appropriate to thank the deceased and say goodbye. After all, about the dead - it’s either good or nothing. You shouldn’t say empty, banal phrases like “he’s better there” or “time heals.”
5. After the burial and laying of wreaths, they usually linger a little at the grave in silence. Before leaving, it is appropriate to bow to the relatives of the deceased. After the cemetery, funeral participants go to a funeral dinner.

Wake after funeral

People who were invited there usually come to the wake. This is understandable, because lunch is ordered for a certain number of people. At the wake, over a quiet, unhurried conversation, the deceased is remembered with kind words. You can make a speech for everyone present, or you can simply talk with your closest neighbors at the table.

Usually a wake is held on the 3rd day after death, that is, on the day of the funeral. The Slavs believe that it is on this day that the soul of the deceased appears for the first time before the Lord. Therefore, the main and first dish at a wake is funeral kutia - a Slavic ritual dish. Kutya grains symbolize resurrection to a new life, and honey - the sweetness of peace in another world.

At a wake, loud jokes, noise, laughter and swear words are inappropriate. You can laugh if such an atmosphere arises on the initiative of the relatives of the deceased, when, for example, in a conversation they remember some funny incident related to him. This is a good memory that works no worse than prayer. It is not customary to drink alcohol at funerals.

At the end of lunch, you may be given pies, cookies or sweets to take home. You cannot refuse a treat; you can treat it to other people. After all, it is generally accepted that the more people remember the deceased well, the easier it will be for his soul to ascend to heaven and go to heaven.

After the wake, when saying goodbye, you need to once again approach your relatives and say simple words of sympathy. Then you can leave. It would be very noble not to leave grief-stricken people unattended. You can call or stop by in the coming days to show that life goes on, and your communication will also continue.

Organizing a funeral yourself is quite a troublesome procedure. It is necessary to visit many different government and commercial institutions, collect all the certificates, and agree on the time of the ceremony. To everything else, add the psychological stress from the urgency of this event and the discomfort due to the loss of a loved one.

Financial resources or moral principles do not always allow outsiders to be involved in such a sensitive issue. However, even among older people, not everyone knows how to properly organize a funeral. Below we will tell you what is necessary for this and the sequence of steps.

Where to start organizing a funeral

The first thing you should do when faced with the death of a loved one is to calm down and cope with the emotional shock. Mobilize all your strength for the next three days, promising yourself to fully indulge in grief after the burial. Stock up on valerian drops and ammonia in case of fainting. Ask someone close to you to accompany you on long trips to various organizations. Firstly, now you need moral support from the outside, and secondly, mortuary and cemetery workers usually do not dare to unreasonably beg for money for various free services in the presence of a third party.

How to organize a funeral yourself: step-by-step instructions

Organizing a funeral yourself is not as difficult as it seems at first. Due to life factors, not every person is able to arrange an elite burial in a yew coffin in one of the central cemeteries of Moscow for his untimely departed relative. Therefore, most often a modest ceremony is held using budget ritual accessories. Nevertheless, even under tight financial circumstances, it is quite possible to honorably send the deceased into another world.

Instructions for organizing and conducting a funeral yourself:

The death of a loved one can happen at home or in a hospital. In the first case, you should call an ambulance and the police. Warn about the incident in advance, since special transport is required for transportation to the morgue. If you doubt whether a fatal outcome has occurred, it is better to say that the person is in a deep faint. Transportation of the deceased in Moscow is free.

A patient who dies in a hospital is usually taken for an autopsy. This is necessary to eliminate the possibility of death due to negligence or medical negligence. In some cases, when there is suspicion of a violent death, this procedure is also applied to bodies brought by medical teams.

Your next step is to determine in which thanatological department (morgue) the body of your loved one is located. Not every medical institution has a unit of this type. As a rule, one PAO or SME is attached to several hospitals or clinics.

Notify relatives and friends of the untimely deceased about his sudden death as early as possible. It is better to set the traditional date of burial - on the 3rd day after death. If the date falls on one of the Great Church Holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.) or a weekend, you should move it to the next day. The fact is that the priest may refuse to perform the funeral service for the deceased, and the morgue workers will not give you the body on the holiday. Don’t worry about the timing: in the thanatology department, the first 7 days of storage are free.

Take a doctor's death certificate. It can be obtained at the clinic where the deceased was registered, or at the morgue where the body is located. If you are going to have a Christian funeral service for the body, do not forget to take another certificate for church representatives. This ensures that the deceased did not commit suicide. To obtain both documents, you must have with you both passports (the deceased’s and your own), as well as a medical insurance policy and hospital card of the deceased.

Check the address and opening hours of the registry office to which the deceased is registered. This is where you should go to obtain your stamp death certificate. This document must not be laminated or folded. Just in case, make several copies of it.

To apply for a state funeral benefit (for preferential categories of Muscovites - from 16,701 rubles; (2018) for other categories - 5,701 rubles) with documents, contact the relevant institutions:

• for those who worked - at their place of work;
• for pensioners – to the Pension Fund (don’t forget to take the deceased’s pension certificate with you!);
• for registered unemployed – to Social Security;
• for military personnel and veterans - to the military registration and enlistment office.

You can be sent to receive a sum of money in cash from the pension fund or, after a couple of hours, they will issue an order for payment by bank transfer.

You can refuse the benefit and choose a social funeral according to a guaranteed list of services and goods for burial (free funeral). You will be provided with:

• wooden coffin covered with fabric;
• cover;
• white slippers;
• digging a grave;
• transportation of ritual supplies to the morgue indicated by you;
• one-way hearse transport to the cemetery;
• burial or cremation service.

All other funeral attributes and services - clothing, pillow, movers, place in the columbarium, wake, funeral service, etc. - will have to be paid additionally.

Now that you have a guarantee that the state will at least partially compensate your costs, you should go to the cemetery. In the case where the deceased has previously worried about the right to the plot or there is a relative grave in which the burial took place over 15 years ago, you should go to the graveyard indicated in the documents. If the place has not been determined, then it can be allocated free of charge only in open cemeteries. For Moscow it is:

• Alabushevskoe (for residents of Zelenograd);
• Perepechinskoe.

The rest are closed to general burials. You should arrive at the churchyard during business hours. For metropolitan institutions this is from 9-00 to 17-00, for those located near Moscow - from 14-00 to 16-00. It is better to arrive in advance and discuss grave digging services, loaders, and hearse transport there.

After determining the burial place, go to a funeral goods store, for example, from the website and order:

• coffin (it should be 20-30 cm longer than the height of the deceased);
• pillow;
• cover;
• other attributes (wreaths, commemorative ribbons, cross, plaque, etc.).

You can also buy clothes for the deceased and white slippers from us.

Coordinate the holding of a religious ceremony. For budget funerals, a funeral service is usually ordered at the cemetery, followed by the presence of a church minister at the wake.

No later than 24 hours before the ceremony, things and hygiene products for the untimely departed should be brought to the morgue.

Toiletries:

• soap;
• towel;
• eau de toilette or cologne;
• comb.

For women:

• underwear;
• stockings or tights;
• long sleeve dress or formal suit;
• hair scarf;
• slippers.

For men:

• underwear;
• socks;
• suit and tie;
• slippers.

Mortuary staff provide services for washing, dressing and removing the body to the funeral room free of charge. If you need embalming or removing cosmetic defects, be sure to ask for a price list. As a rule, prices there will be 2-3 times lower than announced.

On the day of the funeral, the main thing is to stick to the time and it is better to arrive at the morgue a little earlier. Do not delay the farewell procedure in the ceremony hall of the thanatology department. You will still have time to say goodbye to the deceased before he is lowered into the grave. It is customary to carry the coffin in your arms from the hearse transport to the burial place. The procession is formed in the following sequence:

• The first to follow are people carrying a photo of the deceased, a cross and a memorial plaque;
• Then wreaths with mourning inscriptions;
• Medals, orders and other regalia of the deceased (if any) are displayed on a separate pad;
• Coffin lid;
• The coffin with the body of the untimely departed;
• Relatives, friends and other accompanying persons, according to the degree of relationship and acquaintance.

Near the grave there is a funeral service and a final farewell to the deceased. The lid is clogged, and the coffin itself is lowered into the ground. Then each person participating in the ceremony throws a traditional piece of earth and wishes the deceased to rest in peace. Next, the diggers bury the grave and erect a cross or a temporary monument with a plaque on it.

The ceremony ends with a memorial meal. It is better to have a funeral meal in a cafe. Relatives and friends are usually so worried about the grief that has befallen them that they may not be able to cope with such responsibilities. Only the closest and dearest people to the deceased gather for it. During a wake, it is customary to remember the deceased person.

Help in organizing a funeral - website

A human funeral is a rite of burial for the deceased, symbolizing farewell and the end of earthly life and the beginning of a new, eternal one. The entire funeral ritual of the Slavs has both Christian and pagan roots, closely intertwined and no longer separated due to centuries-old foundations.

Orthodox funerals in Russia perhaps most fully combine pre-Christian burial traditions with religious rules and burial procedures, and post-funeral traditions.

This is explained by the relative tolerance of Orthodoxy towards pagan remnants and the presence of many social and historical features in various territories of the country.

Commitment and funeral of the deceased in every culture and religion is accompanied by a certain ceremony and rituals. The mysterious and mystical transition from the kingdom of the living to the kingdom of the dead is beyond the sphere of human understanding, therefore people, depending on their religious worldview, historical and cultural characteristics, have developed a whole system of rules and traditions during funerals. They should help the deceased get used to the new world - after all, the overwhelming majority of religions and faiths proceed from the fact that death means only the end of the earthly period of existence.

The ritual rite is performed primarily to help the deceased, although at present many mistakenly view the observed customs of burial and commemoration as a desire to support loved ones and relatives, to share with them the bitterness of loss, and to show a sense of respect for the deceased.

Stages of funerals, Orthodox traditions at funerals in Russia include the following main events and rituals, which together represent a sequential burial procedure;

• Preparation;
• farewell;
• funeral service;
• burial;
• remembrance.

Every person has to bury loved ones. It is important to follow the funeral ritual. Russian Orthodox traditions have long been formed (including those that are not currently used or are used in remote areas by Orthodox Christians). There is a mandatory minimum that a person participating in the burial procedure needs to know.

An Orthodox person should know the minimum necessary for the proper organization of a funeral

This information is especially important for believers. Many people come to God in adulthood and do not know some customs, attaching importance to superstitions that are not related to religion and, thereby, not helping the soul of the deceased enter the afterlife. For non-believers, observing traditions is important out of a sense of respect for the deceased and those gathered to see him off.

Preparation for burial

Preparation is the pre-funeral stage of a funeral, which includes several component ritual events. When preparing a body for burial, some pagan customs are also observed. Death in Christianity is seen as the beginning of the road to a new life, so the deceased must be prepared and collected for the road. Preparing the body of the deceased for the unearthly journey has both religious and mystical content, as well as a sanitary and hygienic component.

Washing the body

The deceased must appear before the Creator pure both spiritually and physically.

The mystical component of the ritual is that washing the body had to be performed by certain people - the washers.

They could not be closely related to the deceased, so that tears would not fall on the body. Mourning the deceased is not compatible with the Christian understanding of death as a transition to eternal life and a meeting with God. There is a belief that a mother's tears burn a dead child. The washers were chosen from among old maids and widows who were clean and did not commit bodily sins. For work, linen and clothes of the deceased were given as a reward.

The body was washed on the floor at the threshold of the house, the deceased was positioned with his feet towards the stove. Warm water, comb and soap were used. It was believed that otherworldly dead forces were transferred to the things used during washing, so it was necessary to get rid of them as soon as possible. Pots containing water for washing, combs, and soap residues were thrown into a ravine and taken to crossroads and beyond the field. The used water was considered dead and was poured out in the far corner of the yard, where no people walked and nothing was planted.

All these traditions are a reflection of the mystical component of the pagan understanding of death and fear of the otherworldly light.

Compliance with such rituals was necessary to ensure that the dead did not come from the other world and take their loved ones with them. The Christian meaning lies in the need for purification before God not only of the soul, but also of the body. Modern washing in the morgue has a purely sanitary and hygienic content.

Deceased's vestment

Nowadays, it is traditional to dress the deceased man in a dark suit and white shirt, and for women in light-colored clothes. However, in the era of Ancient Rus' and the Middle Ages, everyone was buried in white. This tradition combined both Christian ideas about the purity of the soul and the traditional white robes adopted in Rus'.

Traditionally, the deceased is dressed in white.

For burial, the best clothes of the deceased are chosen; special funeral sets or new suits and dresses are often purchased, which also symbolizes the purity of a person before God. The feet are put on white slippers without hard soles - a familiar symbol of funeral supplies. It is prohibited to use the clothes of relatives or other people. Women's heads are covered with a scarf, which is combined with Christian and cultural traditions, and a man is wearing a wreath with a prayer.

Certain traditions are observed in relation to deceased young girls and boys who did not have time to get married.

The death of a young person is always an exceptional event. Premature death at the most active age causes special regret and sadness. Unmarried girls, both in the old days and now, are buried in white, and often in wedding dresses, with a veil placed in the coffin. The funeral of the bride may be accompanied by some wedding customs - drinking champagne, singing wedding songs.

For deceased young people who did not have time to get married, wedding rings are put on the ring finger of their right hand. The dressing up of young people occurs in the same way as in preparation for a wedding ceremony. Similar traditions exist not only in the Orthodox world.

Entombment

After washing and vesting, the deceased is placed on a bench facing the icons, spread with straw or something soft. Silence must be maintained in the house; telephones and audio-video equipment must be turned off. Mirrors, glass surfaces other than windows (cabinet and sideboard doors, interior doors, etc.) should be covered with white paper or cloth, photographs and paintings should be removed or hung.

The coffin (the outdated name domovin - from the word “house”) is considered as the last earthly refuge of a person. This element is given a lot of attention in the funeral procedure.

In ancient times, coffins could be made in one piece from a tree trunk. In its usual form, this ritual object is made of boards; modern materials (chipboard, plastic, etc.), metals can only be used for decoration and decoration (with the exception of zinc coffins in certain cases). Any type of wood except aspen can be used for production. The inside of the coffin is covered with soft material. Expensive coffins can be polished, decorated with valuable materials and upholstered with soft coverings. The body is placed on a white cover - a sheet or cloth. A small pillow is placed under the head. The prepared coffin can be considered as an imitation of a bed; the deceased is laid out in such a way that it is “comfortable”. Sometimes women during their lifetime prepare a pillow for their coffin, stuffed with their own hair.

The coffin in the Christian tradition is an imitation of a bed

Those who are baptized are buried with a cross. An icon, a crown on the forehead and a “handwriting” - a written or printed prayer absolving sins - are placed in the coffin. It is placed in the right hand of the deceased, and a candle is placed on the chest in crossed arms. The deceased can be given things that he constantly used or especially treasured during his lifetime. It has become common to be buried with cell phones.

Previously, mittens were worn to transfer the body into the coffin, and the house was constantly fumigated with incense. Before the coffin is taken out, you cannot throw garbage out of the house - this custom is observed in our time.

Seeing off the deceased

Seeing off the deceased is also a symbiosis of Orthodox rituals, mystical beliefs and traditions and takes place in several stages. Currently, modern traditions are closely intertwined with established old customs, which include:

• installation of a portrait and awards of the deceased at the coffin, their demonstration in the funeral procession;
• farewell speeches;
• placing photographs on gravestones and crosses;
• funeral music, singing, fireworks;
• condolences through the media, etc.

Farewell to the deceased

The coffin is placed in the room on a table covered with a cloth, or on stools with the feet facing the door. The lid is located vertically with a narrow part towards the floor in the corridor, often on the landing. For 3 days, the coffin with the body of the deceased must remain in the house.

Relatives, friends, acquaintances and neighbors come to visit the deceased. The doors don't close. At night, relatives and friends should gather around the coffin to say goodbye to the deceased, remember his worldly life, the events in which the deceased was a participant.

Previously, it was mandatory for relatives or specially invited persons (not necessarily priests) to read the psalter over the coffin. Now the observance of this tradition is left to the discretion of the closest relatives. The canon “Following the departure of the soul from the body” should be read over the deceased.

If there are icons in the house, you need to place a glass of water in front of them, covered with a piece of bread. Water and bread can be installed on the windowsill. It is believed that the soul of the deceased does not immediately leave the earth. The food and drink on display may reflect both pagan sacrifice to the spirit of the deceased and Christian ideas about the soul's stay on earth after death for 40 days - a clear example of the interweaving of pagan and Christian rituals. A candle is lit at the head of the coffin on a table or other elevation, and a lamp should burn in front of the images. Candles can be placed in the corners of the house.

A portrait with a black ribbon is placed at the head of the coffin, awards are placed on a cushion at the feet. Wreaths are lined up along the walls of the room; a wreath from relatives is placed at the feet between the coffin and the pillow with awards. People who come to say goodbye usually do not take off their shoes. You need to stand or sit near the coffin for some time; only relatives gather with the deceased for a long time or throughout the night. In the room with the deceased, chairs or benches should be installed along the coffin. Farewell is carried out until the body is removed.

Currently, the tradition of a three-day farewell is not observed in megalopolises and large cities, but in small urban settlements and rural areas it has been preserved everywhere.

Observance of the three-day farewell is at the discretion of the relatives and depends on the actual circumstances in which the burial takes place.

Often the body for burial is taken from the morgue already prepared, and the procession immediately goes to the church or cemetery. The clergy do not insist on strict observance of all rituals; this does not affect the funeral service.

Removal of the body and funeral procession

The removal of the body is scheduled no earlier than 12 - 13 hours and with the expectation that the burial takes place before sunset. Usually they try to carry out the removal before 14:00. They carry out the deceased feet first, without touching the threshold and door frames, which should protect against the return of the dead person. There is another special protective rite - replacing the place of the deceased. It is necessary to sit for some time on the table or stools on which the coffin was located, and then turn them upside down for a day.

Removal of the body begins at 12 - 13 o'clock

Before the removal, those who came to say goodbye and see them off on their final journey line up along the route of the procession. Initially, wreaths, a portrait of the deceased, a pillow with orders and medals, and a coffin lid are taken out of the house. After 10 - 15 minutes, the coffin is taken out and carried to the hearse, and relatives come out behind the coffin. Before the hearse, the coffin is placed on stools for a few minutes and left open to give an opportunity to say goodbye to those people who have not been home and are not going to the funeral service or the cemetery.

In the hearse, the coffin is placed on a special pedestal with the head forward, and wreaths are laid.

A specific custom during the removal is mourning for the deceased, and it is often non-relatives or close people who mourn. Lamentations over the coffin and tears, according to tradition, should characterize the personality of the deceased. The better the relationships with others and respect from society, the more crying. In the old days, there were special mourners who were specially invited to the ceremony. Folklore has also preserved funeral laments - songs-lamentations, which were performed in an annoying howling voice.

The funeral procession from the door of the house to the hearse is lined up in the following order:

• orchestra;
• master of ceremonies;
• a man carrying a portrait;
• people carrying pillows with awards of the deceased;
• people with wreaths;
• people carrying the coffin lid;
• pallbearers;
• close relatives;
• others saying goodbye.

There was an interesting ritual of the first meeting, personifying the unity of earthly and unearthly life. The ritual consisted in the fact that the first person encountered by the procession was given bread, which he wrapped in a towel. The gifted one had to pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased. It was assumed that the deceased should be the first to meet in another world the person who was presented with bread. Along the route of the procession with the coffin, grain was scattered for the birds. The presence of birds was considered a good sign, and sometimes they were identified with the souls of the dead.

According to church canons, the funeral procession could only stop at the church and near the cemetery. Often, traffic slowed down or stopped when passing any memorial or significant places and objects for the deceased: near the house of a recently deceased neighbor or relative, at crossroads, at crosses, etc. As they passed through such places, some of the mourners could drop out.

This custom is to some extent combined with traditions associated with the 40-day stay of the soul of the deceased on earth. During this period, the soul visits the most significant places for a person in earthly life.

Immediate family members are not allowed to carry the coffin. Most often, porters are either specially invited people, or friends, colleagues and distant relatives. The ritual of wearing a coffin is very different from what existed previously. What remains common is that the further the coffin is carried in the arms, the more respected the position of the deceased was. Along the route of the coffin, fresh flowers are scattered - carnations for the deceased man and roses for women and girls.

Funeral service

The deceased is buried on the 3rd day after death, except for the days of Holy Easter and the Nativity of Christ. The ceremony is performed only once, unlike funeral services, which can be served both before and after burial several times. Only baptized people are allowed to perform funeral services. Those who renounced the faith or were excommunicated from the church, or suicides, cannot be inveterate. In completely exceptional cases, the latter can be inveterate with the blessing of the bishop.

Suicides are not buried in church

To perform the ceremony, the coffin with the deceased is brought into the church and placed with its head towards the altar. Those gathered are nearby, holding burning church candles in their hands. The priest proclaims Eternal Memory and reads a prayer of permission, which absolves the deceased from unfulfilled vows and sins committed during his lifetime. The prayer of permission does not forgive sins for which the deceased did not consciously want to repent; only those admitted in confession or which the deceased did not report due to ignorance or forgetfulness can be forgiven.

A piece of paper with the words of prayer is placed in the hands of the deceased.

At the end of the prayer, those gathered extinguish the candles and walk around the coffin with the body, kiss the aureole on the forehead and the icon on the chest, and ask for forgiveness from the deceased. After the farewell is over, the body is covered with a shroud. The coffin is closed with a lid, and after the funeral service it can no longer be opened. With the singing of the Trisagion, the deceased is taken out of the temple, the procession moves to the burial place. There is a procedure for an absentee funeral if it is not possible to deliver the deceased to the temple or invite a clergyman home.

Burial

The burial must end before sunset. By the time the body is delivered to the burial site, the grave must be ready. If the burial is carried out without a funeral service, the coffin is closed near the dug grave, having previously given those gathered the opportunity to finally say goodbye to the deceased. Last speeches are made over the open coffin, the virtues and good deeds of the deceased are remembered. The coffin is lowered into the grave on long towels. Those gathered take turns throwing a handful of earth onto the lid of the coffin; the relatives go first. You can briefly pray to yourself with the words: May God rest the soul of your newly departed servant (name), and forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant him the Kingdom of Heaven. This prayer is also performed at a funeral dinner before a new dish.

The burial ceremony may be accompanied by a number of customs and ritual actions:

1. Together with the coffin, church candles that burned in the church during the funeral ceremony are lowered into the grave.
2. Small coins are thrown into the grave. This custom is interpreted as the purchase by the deceased of a place in the cemetery from the “owner” of the underworld or a place in the next world, payment for passage to the other world.
3. After burial, a tear shawl is left on the grave.

These customs have pagan roots, but do not contradict Orthodox canons.

A temporary Orthodox cross or obelisk, or other sign with a photograph of the deceased, name and dates of life, is installed on the burial mound. A permanent monument can be erected no earlier than the next year after the burial. The grave is usually buried by cemetery workers - diggers. After the burial, custom dictates that the workers be treated to traditional funeral dishes and vodka for the repose of their souls. Leftover food is scattered on the grave to attract birds.

The funeral of military personnel, participants in war and hostilities, and law enforcement officers is accompanied by a small arms salute.

In the old days there was an interesting ritual - hidden alms. For 40 days after the burial, relatives secretly laid out alms on the windows and porches of poor neighbors - bread, eggs, pancakes, pieces of canvas, etc. The gifted were supposed to pray for the deceased, and it was believed that they took part of the sins to themselves. The distribution of alms is also associated with the customs of distributing tear scarves, pies, and sweets. in some places new wooden spoons were distributed so that the deceased would be remembered every time they ate. Wealthy relatives could make large donations for a new bell (it was believed that the bell could rescue a sinful soul from hell). There was a custom to give a rooster to a neighbor so that it would sing for the sins of the deceased.

Remembrance

The funeral ends with a memorial dinner, to which everyone is invited. Funerals serve not only to remember the deceased, but also represent the continuation of life. The funeral meal has certain features in the choice and sequence of dishes. The basis, the head of nutrition in Russian traditions was bread and flour products. The wake begins and ends with pancakes or pancakes with honey and kutia. Kutya, depending on local characteristics, is prepared from wheat grains boiled in honey, rice with sugar and raisins.

For the first course, meat cabbage soup or soup must be served. For the second course, prepare porridge (barley, millet) or potatoes with meat. Fish and jelly can be served as separate appetizers. On fasting days, meat is replaced with fish and mushrooms. Serving a sweet third is required. In accordance with old traditions, the third should be oatmeal jelly, but nowadays it is replaced with compote. Separate snacks can include fried fish and jelly. At the wake, people are treated to vodka; women can be offered wine.

Pies with meat, cabbage, and sweets are a must. Pies are distributed to those present so that they can treat them to their families.

Funeral services are held on days 9 and 40. Day 9 means turning to the 9 angelic ranks, which act as those asking God for leniency and mercy for a sinful soul. From the 9th day after the funeral to the 40th, the soul is doomed to wander through ordeals, which is a visit to various places where sins were committed. Angels must help the soul overcome sinful obstacles on the way to the other world. The Creator does not initially assign the soul to either hell or heaven. Within 40 days, the deceased atones for his sins, and an assessment is made of the good and evil he has done. The funeral takes place in the form of a funeral meal. During the wake, the house is cleaned in the same way as during the farewell to the deceased within 3 days after death.

Day 40 is the last day of the soul’s stay in this world. On this day, the Supreme Court is held, the soul returns for a while to its former home and remains there until the funeral service. If the send-off is not arranged, the deceased will suffer. On the 40th day, the further extraterrestrial life of a person is determined. There is a custom to hang a towel in the corner of the house for 40 days. The soul, returning home after the ordeal, wipes itself with a towel and rests.

Sweet pies are an obligatory dish at the funeral table.

Prayer can alleviate the lot of a sinful soul in extraterrestrial life, so the relatives of the deceased order a funeral service (mass) in the church with the remembrance of the deceased for 6 weeks after death - Sorokoust. Instead of mass, you can order the reading of the magpie to a reader, who reads the canon for 40 days in the house of the deceased. The names of the dead are recorded in the annual commemoration - synodik.

Mourning for the head of the family is observed for a longer period of time than for the elderly. Outwardly, mourning is expressed by wearing dark clothes.

Women wear a black headscarf for 40 days after the funeral. During the period of mourning, they often visit the deceased in the cemetery, go to church, and refuse entertainment events and celebrations. Longer periods of mourning characterize the severity of the loss. Mothers of deceased children and young widows observe mourning for up to a year or more. For deceased elderly parents or an elderly spouse, mourning can be reduced to 6 weeks. Men adhere to mourning clothing to participate in funeral rites; on other days, mourning is not outwardly expressed.

Any person at least once in his life is faced with the need to organize a funeral for someone. Each of us must be ready to take on such a difficult mission as burying a person. The procedure and general scheme for preparing all the necessary documents especially for you are in our article.

What to do if a person dies?

In the event of a person's death, the first thing to do is call a doctor. The order of necessary actions when a person dies due to natural causes is as follows: first try to personally assess the condition of the supposed deceased, and then you should call a doctor from the clinic to establish the fact of death. Any ambulance team also has the authority to die and issue appropriate certificates. Attention: if you have even the slightest hope that the person is still alive, when calling doctors, give the reason “the patient is unconscious.” In this case, the ambulance will arrive faster; most likely, experienced specialists who can carry out

Having declared a medical death, doctors give the relatives a corresponding document. Doctors are also required to arrange for the body to be delivered to the morgue and call the police. Accordingly, the answer to the question: “What to do immediately after the death of a person?” - like this: first of all, call a doctor.

Obtaining a death certificate

Depending on the circumstances under which the person died, the doctor who established the fact of death sends the body to the morgue for storage until the funeral or a forensic medical examination. A pathological examination is mandatory if the cause of death is murder or personal injury. In cases of natural death, an autopsy is usually not ordered, or this issue is discussed with the next of kin of the deceased. A death certificate is issued the next day after the fact of death is established. To obtain it, you must contact the registry office at the place of registration of the deceased with his passport and medical certificate.

But what to do if death occurred under unusual or criminal circumstances, how to bury a person? The procedure in such a situation may change slightly. Relatives will be able to receive a body for burial and a death certificate only with permission from the prosecutor's office. This document is issued after the cause of death has been established and all necessary research has been carried out.

Ritual agents and services

Very often, almost simultaneously with the doctors called to recognize the fact of death, funeral service employees arrive. Such ritual agents are often called “black” and openly criticized for high prices and excessive intrusiveness. It's difficult to stay calm immediately after the death of a loved one, but try to be as calm as possible. You are not obligated to agree to an agency employee's proposals just because he has already knocked on your door. Moreover, you can simply not start negotiations with a specialist whom you did not call.

Do you need the help of specialized agencies in organizing a funeral? This is an individual question. Firms working in this area can really take on all the troubles. Only you will have to pay for their services separately. If you want to avoid unnecessary expenses and you have enough strength to do everything yourself, you can do without cooperation with funeral companies. We hope that the instructions for the first steps when a person has died, and the tips for organizing a funeral collected in our article, will help you with this.

Funeral arrangements

Find the strength within yourself to notify all those closest to you about the person’s death as soon as possible. You should also promptly contact relatives from other cities or on business trips. Arranging a funeral begins with choosing a burial method and purchasing a plot in a cemetery/space in a columbarium. This should be done as soon as the day and time the body is released is known. The issue of conducting various funeral rites should be delicately discussed with the immediate family of the deceased. If you are planning to organize a funeral according to Christian traditions, you can contact the church directly or a specific priest with the question: “How to bury a person?”

It is better to write down the procedure on the day of farewell for yourself on paper. It is necessary to prepare clothes for the deceased in advance and take them to the morgue. There, if desired, you can order mummification and make-up services. A coffin and the necessary ritual accessories are purchased separately; you should also take care of organizing the transportation of the deceased and ordering transport for the funeral. According to old traditions, the deceased must spend the night in his home or church. Today, many people refuse to perform such rituals and, after taking the deceased from the morgue, they take him to the funeral service in the temple or directly to the cemetery/crematorium.

Is it necessary to organize a funeral?

Planning a farewell to the deceased should be based on the specifics of the current situation and the traditions familiar to your family. Try to decide at the initial stages of organizing a funeral how many people will accompany the deceased on his last journey. In such a situation, it is not customary to persistently invite someone or prohibit them from coming. The relatives of the deceased and friends are informed about the date and time of the funeral. It is appropriate to inform your work colleagues as well. In our country it is customary to organize a funeral. This is a lunch organized at the deceased's home or cafe/restaurant, which is held immediately after the burial. During the meal, the deceased is remembered in every possible way and a number of rituals are performed. It is not customary to give up completely. In the company of several close relatives, it would be more appropriate to arrange a symbolic wake. For example, just have lunch together, without organizing a magnificent multi-hour feast and performing only the most important rituals.

How to bury a person: procedure in Moscow to receive social benefits

Immediately after the death of a close relative, few people think about the financial side of the issue. And yet, within six months after these events, the person involved in organizing the funeral must submit documents to receive this payment. This payment is made by the employing organization for employed persons, the Pension Fund for pensioners or social security authorities for the unemployed and minors. If a serviceman or law enforcement officer dies, relatives will not have to think about how to bury the person. The procedure in this case changes, and funeral arrangements should begin by contacting the department where the deceased served/was employed. To receive funeral compensation for the death of civilians, you should contact the appropriate organization with the collected package of documents. You can apply for benefits if you have a death certificate, work book and passport of the applicant.

How to help yourself if you are overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to say goodbye to a deceased relative or loved one on time? What to do if death occurred suddenly or circumstances did not allow you to be present at the deathbed?

Often relatives and friends of the deceased do not have the opportunity to say goodbye to him or her immediately before death. A car accident, heart attack, or other sudden death can cause severe psychological shock, a nervous breakdown, or grief accompanied by persistent feelings of guilt.

Recently, psychologists have been faced with an increased number of cases of overwhelming feelings in those who have suddenly lost a loved one - guilt for which there is not the slightest reason. However, sudden death in most cases completely paralyzes a person’s ability to sensibly assess the situation and realize that the emotions he is experiencing are not caused by his own actions or inactions.

By the way, often a state of lasting guilt for unspoken words of farewell can also occur in the event of a predictable or “unsudden” death. For example, if a person close to you suffered from a long-term illness and you were not nearby at the time of his death. In this case, the feeling of guilt may also intensify and worsen.

If you find yourself in a similar situation and feel that both the feeling of grief of loss and the feeling of guilt for not being with the deceased at the time of death “do not let go” for quite a long time, you should seek psychological help from a specialist. Of course, this is a step that can be quite difficult to decide on, so before you decide to take it, try a few simple ways to cope with feelings of guilt on your own. These are practical tips that - quite possibly - your psychologist will advise you. These tips are simple, there are several of them, and we hope that at least one of them will allow you to get rid of the guilt of unsaid words of the last goodbye.

The inability to say goodbye to a loved one can outgrow
into an ongoing feeling of guilt

Farewell in privacy

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Place in front of you a portrait of the deceased or an object that belonged to him. When addressing him, say everything you wanted to say but couldn’t say. Tell us why you were not with the deceased at the time of his death, that you regret it and that the deceased will remain in your heart forever.

If you believe in an afterlife, ask for a sign that your words are heard and understood.

Be sure to attend the funeral or at least the farewell ceremony. This is the right place and time to say the words that you did not have time or were unable to say during the life of the deceased.

Farewell to the body of the deceased

The opportunity to see the deceased may be extremely important in this situation. Traditional Slavic funerals allow you to do this in most cases. Spend as much time as you can next to the coffin and say goodbye to yourself or, if the situation allows, out loud.

If the funeral is held with the coffin lid closed, you can say goodbye to the body of the deceased in the morgue before the service begins. Of course, if you are not a direct relative of the deceased, you will need to coordinate your wishes with them, in person or by telephone.

Letter with farewell words

Try writing a farewell letter to the deceased. This can be the most effective way to get rid of the feeling of guilt that does not leave you. In the letter, write why you were not on your deathbed and do not forget about the words of eternal love and memory of the deceased.

If after some time the feeling of guilt returns to you, open the letter and re-read it again. Perhaps at the moment of experience you will be able to complete it, adding words that did not immediately come to mind.

Faith in Forgiveness

The most important thing is the ability to trust that the deceased would understand and accept the reason why you could not be with him at the time of death. I would understand and forgive you.

Try to remember the pleasant moments you experienced together. Imagine the scene of your conversation during the life of the deceased and how he forgives you. Say “I’m sorry” loudly and loudly, and then just as loudly “I forgive you.” Repeat this several times, even if it makes you cry. Don’t be ashamed of your feelings - only by revealing them to yourself can you take the decisive step in overcoming the feeling of guilt.

Try to find strength within yourself